Coming Home
by Dyna Dee
Summary: Yaoi. A Christmas story. Heero returns after eight years hoping for closure as well as answers to questions that have plagued him regarding Duo's unexpected marriage to Wufei. But getting answers from Duo Maxwell was never an easy task.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I've never claimed to own Gundam Wing or its characters and I've never made a darn cent from my writing about them.

Author's note: This story was meant to be read as a one-shot, but because of its length I'll have to post it by chapters. I'm hoping to post all five parts by the 24th.

**Coming Home  
**By Dyna Dee

Warnings: yaoi, angst, romance.

**Part 1**

Despite the heavy foot traffic in the airport terminal, as well as the expected delays that came with flying during the holiday rush, Heero managed to remain cool and calm... at least outwardly. Inside, however, he was experiencing several conflicting emotions: excitement and dread, anticipation and anxiety. Collecting his luggage from the baggage claim area, he wove past clumps of people greeting each other. Families welcoming home students, grandparents and children as well as friends becoming reacquainted having been separated by time and distance. There was no one there to meet him.

He hadn't been back to Sanq since leaving it over eight years ago. On that occasion, he'd left because he had to. There was a world without war he needed to discover as well as his place in it. He left everything behind for that journey: a job offer from the Preventers, his friends and, most importantly, Duo. Thinking of his former lover always brought a stab of pain to his heart, but over the years he'd become accustomed to it and now the pain was merely a dull ache in his chest.

Pulling his suitcase behind him, its wheels gliding smoothly over the cement, he squinted into the bright afternoon sunlight, blinding against the newly fallen snow that covered the tops of the airport buildings. He breathed in deeply, and despite the traffic and the fact that the airport was just outside a large city, he could smell the fresh mountain air coming from above the port city.

He'd been around the world, had seen and done many wonderful things, but there was something about coming back to the place you started from. Even though he no longer called this place home, it had felt like a homecoming when he'd gazed out the window of the airplane as it cruised at low altitude over the re-constructed New Port City, capital of Sanq, home to the former royal Peacecraft family. He had left this place with the hope of making something of himself, to prove that he was more than a conditioned soldier. He figured he'd owed that much to himself, and at the time he firmly believed that he also owed it to Duo.

Duo. Duo Maxwell. The long-haired boy who piloted the gundam Deathscythe, who'd survived the streets of L2 to become a teenage warrior. Duo's past was no less a nightmare than his own had been. But where Duo learned life's hard lessons on the streets of a poor colony, he had lost himself in his training, conditioned by an assassin and mad genius to be a weapon of war. His own childhood was stripped from him, and he became an emotionally stunted, conditioned soldier whose goal was simply to complete each mission with precision and without regret. Somehow, during all the chaos and fighting, he and Duo had found a sense of peace with each other. His conditioning was fractured. He believed he'd found love with the long-haired pilot, that elusive emotion and warm feeling he'd been deprived of most of his life.

After living together for several months after the war, he'd announced his plans to Duo, stating that he felt it imperative to leave the safety of Sanq in order to find some meaningful way of making a living without a gun in his hand. The constant pressure from former enemies as well as well- intentioned friends to join the Preventer organization had been one of the main reasons he'd decided to venture out on his own, beyond the borders of safety and into the world of unknown possibilities and dangers.

Standing in line at the car rental kiosk, Heero momentarily closed his eyes as the memory of his last moments with Duo came rushing back. The final kiss they shared here in this airport was always at the edge of his thoughts, hovering to be recalled at the oddest times. Despite his broken heart, he would never forget that kiss, the desperation and acceptance behind it. Duo's eyes had been bright with suppressed tears as they bid each other farewell. His lover whispered promises to wait for his return, no matter how long it took for him to find his niche. Heero had believed him, which made his leaving more bearable. With a duffle bag in one hand and a passport in the other, he'd turned his back on his teenage lover and set out to conquer the world in an entirely different way from how he had as a gundam pilot. Had he known that he'd lose Duo to another man less than four months after his departure he might have chosen a different path.

With keys in hand to a four-wheel drive SUV, he located the rented vehicle and carefully set his luggage into the back. No one from the past was aware of his return, and that suited him fine. He was returning to Sanq as a successful world traveler and best-selling author with numerous awards and accolades. To the world he was Odin Wells, the moniker he'd adopted when authoring three best-selling books. His three books had primarily been about war and espionage, of teenagers accomplishing feats of good and ill as directed by mentors. Of course, a lot of what he'd written had been drawn from his own experiences and those of his former comrades, but the public didn't need to know he'd tapped into his own past when writing his "fiction" novels. He remained an elusive author, rarely appearing on televised shows or doing book tours. With public exposure came the risk that someone from the war might recognize him as the pilot of Wing Zero, a persona that, with great determination, he'd left behind.

So why was he back to the place where he'd started? That was a question he didn't have a logical answer to. For eight years he'd kept as far away from Sanq as possible. No, he corrected himself, it wasn't the place he'd avoided but the people who had been a part of his past. Duo Maxwell being at the top of that list, seconded by Wufei Chang. Heero shook his head as he joined the heavy traffic leading towards the city center, feeling the old anger, hurt and resentment resurfacing once again, even though he thought he'd put those negative feelings behind him.

Duo and Wufei, who would have thought the two of them would become a couple? How could Duo, only three months after his leaving, have married Wufei? The Chinese teen had been on the outskirts of their relationship, not quite a friend, but neither was he a foe. Heero was of a mind that Wufei, a young man of tradition and principles, was heterosexual. How could he have missed the fact that the Chinese pilot stood in envy of his relationship with Duo? Had his timid attempts at friendship with them been nothing more than a ploy to get closer to his lover? And had his leaving Duo opened the door of opportunity, allowing Chang to merely step in and take his place?

But that didn't explain Duo's actions. He could have sworn Duo returned his feelings. Duo was, in fact, the one to speak openly of the love they shared, of the happiness they had being together. So what had changed during his absence that would have cause his lover to turn to another man within a four month period of time? That was the predominant question that had haunted him for the past eight years.

He had been half way around the planet when he heard the shocking news. By chance or simple bad luck, he'd run into Milliardo Peacecraft in an airport in Tokyo six months after he'd left Sanq. Though they only had five minutes to exchange wary pleasantries, that was all the time needed to shatter his heart when the tall blond told him of the sudden marriage of Wufei and Duo. Milliardo had said the union had been a quiet affair, and he'd only known about it because he and Wufei, both agents in the Preventer organization, were sometimes assigned as partners. For months following that bit of news he felt lost, angry and numb. The numbness eventually ebbed and he pushed aside his other feelings after he'd enrolled at a university in Los Angeles and threw himself into his studies. He began writing in a journal all that he could recall of his training and the war, thinking it not only therapeutic, but also a record of historic events from his unique point of view. Those notes were the basis for his first novel, _Children of War._

Having driven through New Port City, he took the highway northward, to a smaller community that rested just over the snow-covered, majestic mountains. His destination had been a quaint village when he and Duo moved there after the second war. With funds they'd illegally acquired from their enemies during the first war, they'd purchased a small house that was to be the cornerstone of their new lives together. He wondered if the village and the house had changed much over the past eight years.

Navigating the mountain's curvy switchback roads he wondered what he honestly expected to find here. Having no contact with his former comrades or anyone he'd associated with during the wars, he had no idea whether or not Duo still lived in the same house. He'd signed it over to his lover upon his departure just in case the unthinkable happened while on his self-discovery journey. The unthinkable, of course, was his untimely end, not Duo marrying Wufei.

Up and over the last leg of his mountain climb, Heero pulled the vehicle over at a lookout point. He got out of his warm car and stood near the guardrail to gaze at the valley below. The air was sharply cold, causing his sinuses to ache; his breath a cloud of white as it left his body. Pulling his collar tighter against his neck, he viewed the hamlet called Old Castle, currently nestled in a blanket of glistening white snow. It was picturesque, the perfect Christmas post card. He felt himself frowning at the thought that he'd never really celebrated Christmas. During the wars, the final battles came with the holidays, and both of them ended with hospital stays: the first with Quatre suffering a stab wound, and after the second war he'd been in a coma for two weeks. He'd left Old Castle and Duo the following summer, never thinking it would take him eight years to gather enough nerve to return.

Duo had talked about celebrating Christmas, "like normal people do," and had even gone out to the after-Christmas sales and purchased ornaments and a fake, pre-lit Christmas tree, planning ahead for the following year. Heero's resentment returned as well as the dull familiar ache from knowing Duo had spent the following Christmas not with him, but with Wufei, his new husband.

"I'm a damn masochist. Why am I doing this to myself?" he grumbled as he huddled into his coat and returned to the car and its warmth. Closure. That had to be the answer for why he was there. During the past eight years he had achieved many of the goals he'd set for himself. He was a successful author and financially well off, had an apartment in London, another in New York City and a list of men and women who acted as if they were waiting with bated breath for his call. Yet everything he'd accomplished and all that he had accumulated was tarnished by the continued ache in his heart and the unanswered questions that plagued him regarding Duo's reneging on his promise to wait. Closure, he reminded himself, and once he had the answers to his questions he would move on with the rest of his life.

There was only one inn in Old Castle, and it was towards that direction Heero turned his vehicle once he made it down the mountain. He pulled the SUV up to the front of the Rose and Crown, parked, then exited the vehicle. Dragging his luggage out, he entered the hotel's warm foyer. Quaint, was the word that came to mind as he gazed around the room lit by the yellow-with-age fluted sconces on the walls. There was a fireplace, no doubt the main source of heat, and several over-stuffed chairs circling around the cheery hearth, inviting guests to enjoy the cozy atmosphere and each other's company. He could picture Duo being comfortable in such a setting. He immediately shook that image from out of his thoughts and moved towards the large desk set to the right of a red and tan floral carpeted stairway.

As he signed his name to the register, the white-haired gentleman who assisted him looked at his signature and then raised surprised blue eyes to study his face. "You're the author of the Children of War," he stated.

Heero nodded. "Yes."

Enthused by having a notable writer in his establishment, the man's voice picked up in a cheerful mien. "Welcome to the Rose and Crown, Mr. Wells. I've read all of your books and find your descriptions of the past two wars most insightful. I'm delighted you're staying here. Let me show you to your room." He could see by the head-to-toe glance the man gave him that he was surprised by his appearance. Many of those who'd read his books and not seen a picture of him imagined him to be older, more scholarly looking and definitely not of Japanese heritage.

The man happily carried on a one-sided conversation as they moved through the inn. Heero didn't feel inclined to interrupt or add to the older gentleman's monologue. He was led to a room in the back of the inn, "a quiet room," the proprietor stated. Seeing for himself that the room was quite isolated, he turned to the other man and asked, "Do you happen to have a room upstairs, overlooking the village?"

The older man blinked, obviously surprised by his request. "Why, yes. Yes I do, as a matter of fact. I should tell you, though, that there are newlyweds to the right of that particular room, and on the other side is a young couple with a baby. I can't guarantee that you'll get much sleep in that location."

"I don't sleep much anyway," was Heero's reply. "Besides," he added, "I like observing people going on about their daily business. It's oddly comforting and often fuels ideas for my writing."

"Ah, yes. Writers are always looking for their next story, I suppose," the man replied thoughtfully as he led the way to the stairs going up to the next floor. "Well, Sanq has certainly enough stories about war and overcoming strife. Anyone you meet in this kingdom has a story of survival, sacrifice, loss and redemption to tell. Actually, now that I think about it, those seem to be recurring themes in your stories. So, if you're looking for inspiration, I can give you a sizeable list of people in this village who could talk your ears off."

As the man rambled on with names of some of the local citizens, Heero walked beside him, observing the smell of cedar and something else, something he guessed was the aged building itself. Old Castle was indeed the location of an ancient stronghold, where the first Peacecrafts set up their dynasty many generations ago. Sanq had been the gift of a Russian Czar to a favorite and loyal friend. He and Duo had gone to the ruins of that castle, destroyed in the second world war by the invading German army. The people of Old Castle had diligently kept the quaintness of the original village intact, restricting growth, turning away fast food chains and corporate businesses. From Heero's first impression, the place looked very much like it had eight years ago when he'd left.

The upstairs room was satisfactory, cozy even, despite the chill that often accompanied old buildings. He'd forgotten that many of the homes and businesses in Old Castle still hadn't modernized to central heating. The manager went to the floor heater in the far corner, near the room's lone window, and tuned the knob to high. The unit ticked loudly and in a regular rhythm as the coils began to warm.

"If you'd care to join us, we have a continental breakfast in the dining room between seven and eight thirty each morning," the white haired man announced.

Heero nodded, then an idea came to mind. "Excuse me, but are you acquainted with most of the people living in

Old Castle?"

The other man turned and gave him a surprised look before a smile lit up his round, aging face. "But of course. Our village is small enough that we can't help but rub elbows with each other."

"Can you tell me if Duo Maxwell still lives here?"

"Duo? Of course, of course. He's an essential member of our community. Why just last week he repaired the broken roof of Adel Myers' home, and fixed the leaky faucet in the bathroom of room eight, just down the corridor. I don't know where we'd be without Duo's help."

Unwittingly, a smirk grew on Heero's face. So Duo was here. His former lover had always been handy with his hands, but why had he become a fix-it-man instead of a Preventer or even a mechanic?

"Does he still live in the white house on Hardwick Lane?"

"That he does," the older gent said in a chipper voice.

"And his husband?"

The other man's smile faltered and a puzzled look replaced it a moment before both expressions left his face altogether. "I'm afraid I don't know anything about that. Now if you'll excuse me, I must return to the desk in case another traveler stops in. If you need anything, please ask at the front desk. There are plenty of eateries available for your evening meal, but I'd suggest the Sassy Seagull if you have a taste for the local fare." With that said, the man hastily withdrew from the room, leaving Heero to try and figure out what he'd said wrong. Was the man homophobic or someone who avoided gossiping to a stranger? He obviously thought the world of Duo, but his marriage to Wufei seemed to be a touchy subject. He'd have to be a bit more circumspect the next time he made any similar inquiries.

Glancing down at his luggage, he sighed. The beat-up suitcase was more familiar and a part of his life than either of his apartments. It had gone through more airports and scanners than he could recall, across every continent and ocean on the planet. He couldn't say he missed being at either of his apartments; they really were just places to put the mementos of his travels and his awards.

Moving to the closed curtains, he parted them with one hand and held it back to gaze at the scene below. Old Castle was bustling with holiday shoppers. The old fashioned street posts had white lights twisted through green garlands wrapped around the poles, and long strands of lights draped over the roadway to the pole on the opposite side. The air suddenly seemed alive and festive, filling him with a sense of anticipation and possibilities. He closed his eyes, relishing those almost-forgotten feelings he'd purposely pushed away and had been bereft of for eight long years. It was time, he thought, to truly put the past behind him and get on with the act of living. The only way he knew how to start that process was getting answers to the questions that had hounded him for those eight years. Tomorrow, he decided, was the day he would take a giant step away from the past, from Duo and all the heartache he'd caused, and then he would move forward, once and for all.

Duo awakened the morning of December 23rd and took five minutes to enjoy the warmth of his down comforter and flannel sheets before getting up and beginning his day. He could feel the thump thump of his dog's tail wagging at the end of the bed. "Morning, Boo," he called out in the middle of a big yawn. The yellow lab immediately jumped off the foot of the bed and waited patiently for his master to get up.

Wearing his thick robe and sheepskin slippers, he trudged down the stairs and made his way to the kitchen at the back of the house with Boo dogging his heels. After letting the golden retriever outside, he turned the gas on beneath the water kettle then went back into the living room and bent to the task of cleaning the ash out of the fireplace insert. He carefully shoveled the warm, gray dust into a metal bucket so that he could safely build another fire and keep the house warm for the day. Once that task was done, he returned to the kitchen and set a strainer with his favorite tea into the hot mug of water and let it steep for several minutes while he dumped the ashes outside. He was quite chilled when he returned to the house and his hot tea, which warmed his body from the inside while he waited for the newly lit fire to take hold and begin heating his living space. Two days remaining until Christmas and he still had so much to do.

By nine he'd not only gotten dressed, but he'd had breakfast, fed Boo, straightened up the house and was out in his workshop sanding the rocking horse he'd made for little Willam Syler. The small boy's maternal grandmother insisted on him making the tyke's first rocking horse. It was one of the few items left on his list of things to do before the 24th rolled around. Here in Old Castle families were inclined to celebrate Christmas the night before, on Christmas Eve. Traditionally, a large family dinner was prepared and eaten, followed by a gathering at the local churches where pageants or musicals celebrated the religious aspects of the holiday. This year he had been invited by the Ashcroft family, his neighbors across the street, to attend their church's Christmas Eve service. Their children, Liam and Becca, were taking part in the children's chorus and nativity play. After the service, the families would retire to their homes and open presents. Christmas Day in Old Castle was typically a resting day for exhausted parents and a play day for excited children. All in all, it had proven to be Duo's favorite holiday, one that he now jumped into with all the enthusiasm of a child, and it was that "enthusiasm" that had landed him in charge of building a temporary nativity scene for the stage in the Episcopal church.

After seeing Boo settled in the corner on his large pillow, a fresh bone from the butcher to keep him busy, Duo surveyed the few remaining pieces needed to complete the scenery. The backdrop of the stable he'd already painted and delivered, as well as the panels that looked like village doors, where the little boy who played Joseph would knock, seeking a room for Mary. All that was left was the manger and a couple of trees and painted animals for the stable scene, a very important center point in the program.

Though he wasn't particularly a religious man, not ascribing to any one religion over another, he did believe in a higher power. He didn't know how anyone who had experienced the vastness of space or having viewed images from long-range satellites of millions of swirling universes, could not believe in something greater than mere happenstance. Life on planet Earth, from the simple ameba to the countless complex ecological systems of man and animal, could not, in his mind, exist by chance. Those were his thoughts as he finished sanding the last part of the rocking horse's head. He ran a hand over the edge and was satisfied with the smoothness of the wood. All that was left was to paint the eyes, mouth and nose and then stain the wood to protect the surface.

Turning to find his black paint can and small detail brush, he heard the chiming of the bell over his shop's door and felt the draft of cold air that accompanied a visitor. "Be with you in a moment," he called over his shoulder. When he turned a moment later, he was presented with the image of a man, dressed in a long, camel-colored coat with a gray fur cap on his head. It took only a moment longer for him to recognize the man he hadn't seen in eight years, and with that recognition his knees became weak and his heart faltered. He heard a loud bang near his feet, and realized with a start that he'd dropped the can of paint.

Bending to pick up the can, he was relieved to find the lid had stayed on, saving him a messy, inconvenient mess to clean up. He used the moment to catch his breath before he slowly straightened and was once again faced with his past. "Hello, Heero."

"Duo."

Heero's gaze started at the top of his head and slowly moved downward, taking in the brown plaid flannel shirt, a white t-shirt peeking out from the top opening and a faded pair of blue jeans. Duo could feel his face heating up, the result of being flustered by Heero's sudden appearance rather than from the room's cool temperature. Those blue, discerning eyes were no doubt taking in the fact that the teenage boy Heero had once known was a grown man. Taller now, though as slender as he'd been back then. But it was his eyes that seemed to captivate Heero. For a moment it seemed as if he couldn't look away from them, nor his face, which had changed slightly during the past eight years. Duo knew his once full cheeks were thinner now, his face more angular and manly. Over his shoulder was a rope of hair, which he habitually grabbed while under the other man's scrutiny.

"Not that it's not good to see you, but what are you doing here?" Duo asked, having had enough of the silence and staring. He'd somehow managed not to sound as unsettled as he felt. Seeing Heero in his shop, eight years after his departure, was something he'd dreamed of and dreaded at the same time.

"Closure." Right to the point, as always. Duo began to think that maybe Heero hadn't changed all that much, though looking at him now he had to admit the other man looked good. Very, very good. It appeared that Heero had matched his own growth and his face remained as angular as it had been when he was a wiry teenager. But there were faint lines at the corners of his eyes that hadn't been there before, and a tenseness around his mouth that hinted at an unhappy man. The idea that Heero was unhappy made him feel both sadness and guilt. Heero, out of anyone he knew, deserved to be happy after all he'd done for the people of Earth and the colonies.

As if sensing the uncertainty in the room, Boo got up from his bed to sniff at the stranger. "Boo, lie down," Duo commanded his pet firmly yet not unkindly. The dog hesitated for only a moment, long enough to sniff Heero's boots before obediently returning to his corner and partially gnawed bone.

Seeing that his dog had settled down once more, Duo sighed as he turned back to the other man. "Alright. We can talk, but I've got to finish this first." He motioned to the rocking horse on the table. "We can talk while I work." He opened up the paint can and flicked at the tip of his paintbrush, insuring that no lint was present.

Instead of charging ahead with accusations, Heero stepped closer to see what the other man was doing. "You're making toys?"

"Yeah. You got a problem with that?"

Heero frowned. Duo had been an accomplished, talented pilot and was brilliant in the areas of infiltration, explosives and mechanics. Why those talents had been set aside for toy making and household repair were beyond his ability to comprehend.

"How did you come to this? When I left here you had an appointment to speak with Director Une with the intention of joining the Preventers."

"Things happen," Duo said with a dismissive shrug.

"What things?" Heero stepped closer and observed the slight tremble of Duo's hand, poised to paint the face of the horse.

Stopping before the brush touched the wooden surface, Duo looked up and with one raised eyebrow asked, "Could you stand back at bit? You're making me nervous."

Heero did as asked, moving to the opposite side of the table, giving Duo room, but not allowing the other man out of his sight. "What things?" he persisted.

"I didn't get past the initial training, washed out."

Heero blinked, finding that excuse to be unbelievable. How in the hell could Duo Maxwell not make the cut?

"So you retreated to Old Castle, to this house, and became a handyman?"

Another shrug, which was really no answer at all.

"And how did Wufei fit into this? Where is he, by the way?"

"In New Port, at work, I suppose."

"He's still with Preventers?"

"One of their top agents."

The horse's eye was apparently finished, or so Heero thought when Duo moved down to paint the nose. "Will he be home tonight? I haven't seen any of the former pilots for the past eight years."

Duo looked up sharply, his eyes narrowed with anger. "And whose fault is that?" he snapped.

Heero's own anger rose in response to the other man's. He'd come here for answers and didn't want to be baited into a heated argument. "I think you should ask yourself that question, Duo. What happened? Why didn't you wait for me like you promised?"

Duo visibly winced, and Heero felt only a brief moment of guilt before he consciously let it go and firmed his resolve. His need for answers was stronger than worrying about hurting Duo's feelings.

"I... I." Unable to go any further, Duo looked up, his luminous eyes beseeching Heero to not question him further. "I'm sorry, Heero. But you left and I didn't know where you were, other than the rare post card. I had no way to contact you. I needed you and you weren't to be found."

"Is that why you turned to Wufei?"

With that question, Duo's face closed off. "I don't want to discuss Wufei with you."

"Dammit, Duo." Heero's rising anger was evident in his voice and deep frown. "He knew what we were to each other. Was he only waiting for me to leave so he could take my place? You told me you'd wait, why didn't you?"

"Because I couldn't!" Duo shouted back, slamming both hands onto the wood table, the black paint on the brush splattering the surface. He then leaned forward and gripped the edge of the workbench until his knuckles turned white. Visibly struggling to compose himself, he said in a more controlled voice, "I couldn't, all right You'll just have to take my word for that and move on."

"Like you did?"

Slowly looking up with pain etched on his face and in his eyes, his former lover spoke again. "I'm sorry, Heero. I didn't set out to hurt you, but I honestly didn't know if I'd ever see you again. I did what I thought was best at the time and I can't regret it now. I can't change the past any more than you can, but I want you to know that I never set out to hurt you."

Taking Duo's example and calming himself, Heero asked in a more controlled tone of voice, "Did you really believe that your marrying Wufei wouldn't hurt me? You were everything to me, Duo. I thought you loved me as much as I loved you?"

"I did," came Duo's soft admission as he hastily wiped at his eyes with the cuff of his shirt. "But I really wasn't everything to you, Heero. You left me to pursue your own life. Why didn't you call or leave an address? Things might have turned out differently if you had."

Now that their anger had abated somewhat, Heero could listen with more than his ears to what Duo was saying. His heart was telling him that the other man had suffered from his leaving, that he'd desperately needed to get in touch with him and hadn't been able to. His prolonged silence during his self-discovery journey had cost him the love of his life. Looking at the woeful face in front of him, he longed to reach out and comfort the other man, to run his fingers through that beautiful hair and to kiss his troubles away. _I still love him._ That sudden realization shook Heero to the core. After all the hurt and resentment, compounded over eight miserable years, he still loved the man whose eyes were pleading with him to understand and forgive him.

As if some invisible hand was gently coaxing him forward, he stepped around the bench. Duo appeared wary of his approach but stood his ground even when he stopped in front of him and gently cupped his face. "I didn't write because I was on the move, figuring things out. I planned on contacting you when I found what I was looking for and when I had a job. I can see now that I should have taken you with me. Would you have come?"

Duo hesitated, and appeared to be thinking quite deeply about the question. After a long moment he answered, a troubled expression on his face. "I don't know. I'd like to think I would have left everything behind if you'd asked me to, but in the long run it's probably better that I didn't. Despite how things turned out between us, Heero, I can't live my life filled with regrets. I'd have a hard time getting out of bed each morning if that were the case. But I am sorry if I've hurt you. How did you find out about Wufei and I getting married?"

"Six months after leaving here I ran into Milliardo Peacecraft in Tokyo, at the Narita airport. He told me."

A flash of alarm flickered in Duo's eyes. "Did he say anything else?"

Heero studied the other man's face, trying to figure out what Duo was trying to hide. "Not that I recall. We spoke briefly about the last war. He talked about Relena and his new job with Preventers and he actually tried to recruit me." "He should have known better," Duo said with a slight grin and shake of his head.

"I think only you and the other former pilots knew about my pledge not to kill again. Zechs spoke out of ignorance."

"He doesn't like to be called that name anymore," Duo informed him, to which Heero only shrugged. He really didn't think his chances of running into Peacecraft again were good enough to worry about the man's name preference.

There was an awkward, drawn-out moment before Duo sighed once more and combed his hand through the loose hair over his forehead. "Listen, I'm on a bit of a tight schedule today. I've really got to finish this rocking horse and the manger and get it over to the church for rehearsal this afternoon. Why don't you go into the house where it's warm and wait for me there. You can ride along with me on my deliveries and we can talk some more, all right?"

Now that some of the tension between them had lessened considerably, Heero realized he really didn't want to be anywhere other than where Duo was. However, it seemed his former lover wanted him at a distance so he could finish his work. Fair enough. "Okay. Do I go around to the front door?"

"Nope. You can get there through here." At the back of the small shop was a door that led into the house and kitchen. Duo escorted him inside, apologizing for the chill that pervaded the room. The big yellow dog followed closely behind them like a golden shadow, wagging his tail and looking very much like he was smiling. "Help yourself to coffee, tea or hot chocolate. The mugs are in that cupboard," Duo said, indicating the bank of cabinets to his left. "There's a fire in the fireplace in the living room, making it the warmest place in the house."

As Heero looked around the large kitchen his mind was suddenly overwhelmed by memories of him and Duo preparing their meals, side by side. They'd spent a great deal of time in this room before he'd left Old Castle, and just looking at the table for four brought to mind several impromptu love-making sessions they'd enjoyed. He glanced up to see Duo had been watching him stare at the table. The braided man seemed to catch his train of thought and his cheeks began to flame.

"Why did you stay?"

"In Old Castle?" Duo wondered.

"No, in this house."

"Because it's my home. I couldn't sell it without your permission, and besides, as long as I lived here the memory of you was never far from my mind."

One dark eyebrow rose in question. "Doesn't that bother Wufei? That your memory of us together is in every room of this house?"

Duo's face darkened again. "I told you, Heero, I don't want to talk about Wufei."

Heero frowned, sensing that something wasn't right, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Before he could ask, Duo announced, "I've got to get back to work. Make yourself comfortable. I'll be back inside in an hour or so." Without further ado, Duo turned and left the kitchen, his dog following him out while the brown braid violently swayed from side to side across his back.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

Heero couldn't help his eyes from looking down. There was no doubt about it, Duo Maxwell had a perfect ass, even in slightly baggy jeans. Somewhere in the distance the sound of bells tolling began to fill the air, ten times total, marking the hour.

Left alone, Heero began to survey his surroundings and strolled through the dining room and into the living room. He wasn't surprised to find a tall Christmas tree set in front of the bay window. It was a real tree, with a variety of ornaments and lights decorating its branches and an unlit star sitting on top. His gaze wandered from the tree to the rest of the living room, and he was quite surprised to find that little had changed since his departure eight years ago. The furniture, which had been new when he and Duo had purchased it, was a bit worn, but still in fairly good condition.

The house itself was tidy, though he could see traces of dust here and there. He walked closer to the table behind the sofa where Duo had numerous pictures set out for display. There were several photographs of people he recognized from when he'd lived in this same house and a few children he didn't know. There was a picture of Quatre and one of Trowa, and another, surprisingly, of those two standing together, dressed in black suits, smiling broadly and wearing matching rings. He knew the two former gundam pilots had shared a mutual attraction during the first war, and when he left he'd known that something more than friendship going on between them. Whatever it was, it had been kept quiet, probably because the legal crisis Quatre was tackling at the time overrode their personal lives and interests. He hadn't read anything about them becoming legal partners, yet from the picture on the table it looked like they'd overcome whatever problems they'd once faced and had married.

Next to that happy picture was one of Wufei, also dressed in a dark suit and wearing a restrained smile. The photo appeared to have been taken on the same occasion, the marriage of the other two men. There was another picture of Wufei on the table, but in this one he had Duo by his side. Both men were dressed in similar attire and stood several inches apart, smiling happily at the camera. Wufei's hand was on Duo's elbow, as if he were holding him up. Curious, Heero picked the picture frame up and studied his former lover a bit closer. It was clear that something wasn't right. Duo, though he was smiling, was thin, pale and sickly looking. His hair, though, was the most shocking of all. The long hair he'd religiously worn in a braid during his youth was gone. It was disturbingly short and dull in color. "What the hell?" Heero muttered to himself, dumbfounded by what he was seeing. It occurred to him that Duo's hair, though long and in a braid once again, was shorter than he'd worn it during the war. What had caused him to cut it in the first place and why did he look so terrible at this memorable event?

He reluctantly put the picture frame down and began studying the remaining photos on display, catching a glimpse of Duo's life over the course of eight years. Duo was featured in a few pictures, but rarely alone. Heero noted that the majority of the pictures were people who were strangers to him, and there were very few of the other pilots, though there was one where they all stood together in front of some building with white granite stairs. Duo, still thin and pale, held up a piece of paper while wearing a dazzling grin. He was flanked all around by the other three former pilots. They, too, wore bright smiles, their eyes suspiciously bright. Whatever moment the camera had captured, it obviously meant something important to each of the men in the photograph. His heart ached at the realization that he'd missed many such moments in Duo's life.

Breathing deeply he caught the subtle fragrance of Duo's home, a masculine scent and very pleasing. There was the smell of the wood-burning fire in the fireplace, of pine from the Christmas tree and just a hint of musk cologne or aftershave that had to be Duo's. From that moment on he would forever associate those three scents with his former lover, just as during the war, when they were separated by great distances, the smell of gunpowder, mechanic's grease and strawberries conjured up images in his mind of the pilot of the gundam Deathscythe.

Returning to the kitchen, he put the kettle on and searched through the cabinets for the offered coffee or tea. In his search, he came upon a cabinet, located near the refrigerator that was filled with vitamins. Frowning, he clearly recalled that Duo had never like taking pills of any kind. What was the reason for all these pills? Had Duo or Wufei become a hypochondriac during his absence? The Chinese teen had always been conscientious about maintaining his health and what he put into his body. Yes, he could see where vitamins would fit into his approach to good health, but the amount of vitamins in the cupboard seemed like overkill.

He listened closely for any sound indicating the other man was returning to the house. With no hint that he would be interrupted, Heero let his curiosity get the best of him and began to make a quick search of all the cabinets and refrigerator. When he finished, he concluded that Duo had changed, either that or Wufei had managed to overcome every bad habit the American teenager had and turned him into a health conscious man. Whole wheat bread with flax, organic labeled fruits and vegetables, lean meats and soy milk, the whole kitchen smacked of a complete change of lifestyle for the American.

The kettle began to whistle, signifying the water was boiling. Heero made himself a cup of tea and sat down at the table while it steeped to ponder the unexpected changes he'd observed so far. It appeared that Wufei's influence over Duo had been strong enough that his former lover had completely given up on his former cravings for salty and sweet treats, not to mention that the house was much tidier and organized than he would have believed possible for Duo to maintain on his own. Then again, he thought, Wufei had always seemed a bit finicky, no doubt he orchestrated the home's maintenance as well as the food they consumed.

Finishing his tea, he glanced down at his watch and realized a half hour had passed since Duo had left him in the kitchen. His foot tapped with impatience on the wood floor; he hated waiting. He quickly put the mug and spoon in the sink and rinsed them out before wandering back into the warm living room.

Without too much effort, he found the switch to turn on the Christmas tree lights. He stood back to appreciate the effect. Tiny white lights filled every branch of the tree, from trunk to the tip of each bough. It was like looking at a thousand stars at close range. Though small in size, their ample number helped to illuminate and showcase the many ornaments hanging on the branches, and as far as he could determine there wasn't a duplicate in the bunch. At the top of the tree was a star. If he remembered right, he'd heard once on a PBS holiday program that the star atop a Christmas tree represented the Star of Bethlehem. Had Duo, during his absence, turned religious also? He recalled the mock priest outfit the American had dressed himself in during the first war, and the cross hanging from the delicate chain he'd worn around his neck, but he couldn't recall the teenager from L2 espousing any religious beliefs.

"We never did have a Christmas together, did we?"

Heero almost jumped, startled by Duo's unexpected arrival. He hadn't even heard the other man enter the house, which meant that Duo hadn't forgotten everything he'd learned during the war. He turned with a sarcastic reply about whose fault that was, but stopped himself from speaking after seeing a look of deep sadness on the handsome face. Perhaps Duo did feel badly about how things had turned out.

"No, we didn't."

The sad look was quickly replaced with a shrug and small grin. "I'm sure you've celebrated the holiday with someone else over the past eight years."

Heero looked the other man in the eye and said, "No, I haven't. Oh, I've been invited to parties and the like, but Christmas Eve seems to be a traditional time for family." He gave the other man a knowing look, silently stating he'd never met that criteria.

Duo's eyes widened with disbelief. "You mean to tell me you haven't had anyone to share your life with these past eight years?"

Heero replied casually, "I've had lovers, of course, but nothing that lasted very long. I'm on the move a lot, and sometimes my writing becomes the most important thing in the world to me. Some people don't like competing with a muse," he added as an explanation for the first statement. The truth of the matter was no one had held his interest nor captured his heart. For the past several years he'd feared the reason why he hadn't fallen in love with anyone he'd been remotely interested in was because he never stopped loving the man now standing before him. How could it be that after so much time had passed his heart still yearned for Duo Maxwell? That his hands craved to reach out and touch him? Suddenly, he wanted nothing more than to hold the other man's body against his own, to be one in heart and soul as they'd been before. How ironic, he thought, that he found himself back where he'd started his journey and wanting the very thing he'd left behind.

"And you're a very successful writer, too," Duo said, deftly changing the subject. "I'm really very happy for you, Heero. Do you like being an author?"

Heero thought about it for a moment, then answered honestly, "Yes, though it wasn't an easy occupation to get into. I worked for several newspapers, as an obituary, wedding and anniversary reporter and eventually an editor. I moved on to a publishing company, then took a job as a book reviewer for a major magazine. I learned step by step, through trial and error how to write and then sell what I wrote."

"I've read all three of your books," Duo admitted with a look of approval. "They're very good."

"I'm glad you liked them," he replied while silently wondering if Duo was being truthful.

"Has anyone suspected you of having been a gundam pilot? Some of the events you mention in Children of War are pretty close to what we went through."

"Not so far. If it's brought up by an interviewer, I simply state that I simply took recorded events and used my imagination."

"Going to write another book?"

"I certainly hope so. I'm currently looking for some inspiration. I'll probably travel some more, speak to a lot of people and read countless news articles until I finally sit down and write my first sentence."

Having Duo's full attention, his blue-violet eyes displaying interest in what he was saying, Heero dared to take a step closer to the other man. He had so many questions to ask, things he wanted to understand. Topping that list was why Duo had married Wufei shortly after his departure, followed by questions about his drastic change of lifestyle including the cabinet filled with vitamins and the apparent lack of everyday groceries in the pantry. Another two steps brought him in front of the person he'd both dreamed about and cursed more times than he cared to count. "Duo..." He whispered the other man's name as his hand rose of its on volition to cradle a clean-shaven cheek. Before he could think better of it, he gave into the undeniable temptation and leaned in slowly with the intention of tasting of those full lips that were slightly open from either shock or surprise. Duo's reaction, however, was different from what he'd expected. The braided man's eyes widened, his breath hitched and his right hand forcefully pushed against Heero's chest, shoving him away and bringing an end to the kiss before it had a chance to begin.

"Don't, Heero."

Of course. Duo was married. Heero took a step back and apologized. "Old habits," he said as his excuse.

"Listen." Duo appeared a bit unsettled and was looking at anything other than Heero. "I've got to deliver those things I told you about earlier. Do you want to come along for the ride?"

With nothing better to do plus the promise of spending more time with the other man, Heero agreed. Five minutes later the back of Duo's old truck had been loaded and the smooth-running vehicle began its short journey. Duo, now wearing a thick winter coat with a knitted hat and scarf around his neck, gave him a smile as he leaned forward to turned on the radio. It appeared as if his attempt to kiss Duo had been forgiven. Christmas music suddenly filled the cab, telling Heero that his former lover had listened to this type of music the last time he was in his truck. He never imagined Duo liking something of this nature. It was just one more thing about the American that had changed since they'd last seen each other.

Even though the drawn-out silence between them was blunted with holiday music, Heero knew that he and Duo needed to talk. He was just about to say something when Duo quietly ask, "Why now?" He could only guess that Duo was asking why he'd come back after so long. Then in a stronger, accusing tone the braided man rephrased the question. "Why the hell did it take you eight fucking years to come back?"

Remaining calm, Heero kept his gaze directed towards the passing neighborhoods as he truthfully answered, "Because your being with Wufei hurt too much. The thought of you together was like salt in an open wound, so I purposely stayed as far away from Sanq as I could hoping to get over you. I put those eight years to good use, going to school, learning to put my thoughts on paper and concentrating on my own career and building a life for myself."

"A life that didn't include me."

Heero sharply turned his head to consider the other man's statement, noting the flat tone of Duo's voice. "How could it include you when you were married to Wufei?"

Duo looked like he was about to reply, but then tightly clamped his lips together and a look of resolve settled on his face. A moment later he pulled the truck into the driveway of an older house that was brightly decorated with holiday lights around the door and windows, and a decorated tree in the center of the front window.

"Be back in a moment," said Duo while putting the truck in neutral and setting the emergency brake before jumping out the driver's door, leaving the engine running and the heater on high.

Heero watched him carry a bulky box up to the front door and turn rather awkwardly to push the doorbell with his elbow. A moment later an elderly woman answered with a bright smile on her wrinkled face as she spoke to the braided man. Duo, along with his box, which Heero guessed was the still-drying rocking horse, disappeared inside the house. He returned five minutes later with a round tin adorned with holiday trim in his hands and a parting wave to the elderly woman who returned the gesture before she closed her front door.

A fresh gust of frigid air swept into the truck's cab when Duo opened the door once again and climbed inside. He handed the tin to Heero. "Those are some of the best cookies I've ever had," he stated as he released the brake and put the truck into reverse to back out of the driveway. "Have one, if you like."

"Maybe I'll wait until we get back to the house." Taking his warm gloves off at the moment was not the most appealing idea.

"That was Grandma Paulina," Duo explained as the truck began to move backwards. "Her daughter and family are coming for Christmas. I haven't seen her this happy in a long time. She's lonely, you know? It's been hard on her having her loved ones living so far away."

Looking up at the house just as they were pulling away, Heero found himself sharing the old woman's feelings. His loved one had lived almost a world away for eight long years. He wasn't sure how many more years it would take for him to finally eradicate his longing for Duo. He had a sneaky suspicion that coming back to confront his ex-lover might have only made matters worse.

"Where next?" Turning to look at the man driving the truck, Heero couldn't help but acknowledge once more how handsome Duo was. He'd forgotten how his cheeks would turn pink when he was either too warm or too cold.

"The Episcopal Church."

"I thought you would become Catholic if you decided to convert to any organized religion."

Duo shrugged. "Well, I just kind of have a hard time with some of their doctrine."

Having studied a bit about world religions, Heero wondered exactly what points of practice Duo had found lacking, but he thought that perhaps he would leave that discussion for when they ran out of things to say. Religion and politics were always topics of conversation that could incite discussion.

"It's the whole praying to saints and before statues. I never did understand that."

"So why the Episcopal church?"

Duo looked at him with a grin on his flushed face. "I didn't say I joined. I just like helping out, and they're a welcoming group of people without being pushy."

"It's hard to imagine Wufei going to church."

Duo's grin faltered for a moment, then returned as he replied. "Yeah, it is. He's not a Christian."

"Are you happy, Duo?"

Duo's eyes remained on the road as he contemplated his answer. For some reason, Heero needed to know if the man sitting across him was happy, even though it hurt to think he had nothing whatsoever to do with that happiness.

"Yes," Duo answered quietly. "I am happy. I might not have a job that's considered important, or make enough credits so that I can travel the world or fly to L4 to see Quatre and Trowa, but I really don't have anything to complain about. Live each day to its fullest, has become my motto"

"I haven't spoken to Quatre and Trowa since the war." Heero said with some regret. "I gather from the picture in your living room that they became domestic partners, but other than that I know very little about them. Do you see them often?"

"No. They've been pretty wrapped up in the Winner businesses and colony politics since the end of the last war. They rarely come to Earth any more, but I always get a vid call on Christmas day and we try to catch up on things." And them more wistfully he added, "I miss them."

"I'm surprised you don't have more contact with them. You were good friends with Quatre."

Duo glanced his way. "As you were with Trowa. Why didn't you keep in touch? I know from Quat that you never contacted them either."

It took a moment for him to phrase the reason for having removed himself from all of his former comrades. "After learning about your marriage to Wufei, I just couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone about it. Contacting Trowa or Quatre would eventually lead to the topic of your marriage and I just wasn't willing or ready to deal with that. It was easier to keep busy and maintain my anger with you instead of accepting the fact that you'd lied to me and chosen someone else to live your life with."

"I'm sorry, Heero." Those three words were spoken so softly that Heero barely heard them.

They pulled up to a large white church with beautiful stain-glass windows, a steeple and bell tower. This was where the sound of bells ringing hourly during the day had come from. He wondered how he could have forgotten that fact. When they first moved to Old Castle, the bells seemed charming, but as days passed, they'd begun to grate on his ears. Duo had always liked them, he recalled.

By the time he left the village he'd become so inured to them he'd rarely even noticed the hourly tolls.

Duo pulled the truck behind the church and backed it up to the double-door entry. "This is where the pageant will be held tomorrow night," Duo explained as he expertly brought the truck into place and shut off the engine. Turning back to him, the braided man asked with a hopeful gleam in his eyes, "Wanna help? Two of us working together will make the job go a lot faster."

"We always did work well together," Heero replied, pulling up the collar of his coat in preparation for going back out into the cold.

It took no more than fifteen minutes to unload the truck, haul the painted wood into the building and place them were an enthusiastic middle-aged woman named Petra indicated. The stout German spoke with a broken accent and a smile that never seemed to dim, especially when she was talking to Duo. She praised his work, his goodness for volunteering to help, and then she had the audacity to pinch his cheek while offering to set him up with her granddaughter. Heero was shocked by the offer. Didn't she know that Duo was married, and to a man at that?

After promising the woman that he would be there the next evening to witness the pageant, Petra let the both of them leave and quickly turned her attention to the group of people coming from another room with talk of lighting and sound set up going on between them.

Having returned to the truck, Duo started the engine once more and drove them towards the direction of his home. "Why did she try to set you up with her granddaughter?" Heero asked.

"I don't know," Duo replied. "She didn't mean anything by it."

"Don't they know about Wufei?"

Again there was a thoughtful pause before Duo answered, "Like I said, I'm not a member of their congregation, so I'm not privy to what they do and don't know."

Why did that answer seem somewhat evasive? Once again Heero had the feeling that there was something going on here that he couldn't quite put his finger on and it was beginning to irritate him. The only way he would figure things out was to get Duo talking and, hopefully, he'd let something slip.

"So, tell me about your life here."

"What's to tell? Life in Old Castle never seems to change. I think that's why I like living here so much. I wake up every morning to the sound of church bells, to children going to school or playing outside. I know the postal carrier by name, as well as those who work in all the stores in the village. We don't worry too much about crime here, especially the violent sort, and that's as far from my childhood as you can get."

"And for entertainment?" Heero recalled that Duo used to like going out to the movies and to eat. Occasionally, they even went to a nightclub so he could socialize and dance, if the mood struck him.

"There's a local theater here, a movie rental place, plenty of good restaurants, art in the park as well as a gazebo where a local band plays old people music each Sunday afternoon in the summer. That's plenty to keep me busy."

"And Wufei?"

With a huff, Duo turned an irritated eye to him. "Why do we always come back to the subject of Wufei?"

"Why do you avoid talking about him?"

"Because, frankly, he's none of your damn business."

And he was right, Heero conceded, if only to himself. It really wasn't any of his business, but he couldn't help wanting to know how Duo and Wufei got along. It was beyond him to understand how two men, who seemed to be merely comrades and barely friends, managed to fall in love and get married.

"You can't blame me for being curious, can you? When I left here you and Wufei barely spoke to each other, and I wouldn't even have labeled you as being friends. I can't help wondering at what point did you fall out of love with me and turn to him. Were your feelings for me so shallow that you managed to fall in love and marry him so soon after I left?"

"People marry for all kinds of reasons, Heero, and frankly, I just don't want to go into the reasons why I married Wufei. Not now and not with you."

"I'm just trying to understand," he stated with a touch of anger in his tone. "This has weighed on my mind for eight long years and I can't seem to get past it, that you married him instead of me."

Duo glared at him. "You never asked me, did you? You were too intent on finding yourself, I guess."

Heero felt his anger rising, but he held it in check, knowing from past experience that getting Duo angry just made him more belligerent, and if that happened he'd never get the answers he wanted.

"I wasn't in a position to ask you. Neither of us had jobs and I was confused about my place this world, almost as much as you were at the time."

Duo shot him a challenging look. "I knew the moment we came to Old Castle and bought our home where I belonged. I knew this was where I wanted to put down roots, and I wanted to do it with you. You were the only one who wasn't content, Heero. I might not have had a job, but I knew this was where my future lay."

"I'm sorry I wasn't as sure of myself as you were." He inwardly flinched at sounding so defensive.

Duo sighed wearily. "Why did you have to come back here and hash this out? I made my past decisions based on need, just as you made yours. Now, eight years later, we live completely different lives, Heero, and maybe in the long run it's better this way. I couldn't have followed you all over the planet while you found your niche in life, just as you couldn't stay here and help me when I needed you."

"If I'd known you needed me, I would have come back."

"It's all a moot point, Heero. Just let it go."

"That's what I'm hoping to accomplish with this visit. I want to let you go once and for all, but I don't think I can do that until you're honest with me about what happened after I left here."

The truck pulled up the driveway of the familiar white with blue trim house that was Duo's home. Shutting off the engine, the braided man leaned forward, his hands gripping the top of the steering wheel while his forehead leaned against it. From the back of the house came the yellow lab, barking happily, his tail wagging as he greeted his master.

With a deep sigh, Duo said in a fatigued voice, "Listen, I've got more work that I need to finish today, and I can't do it with you distracting me with these heart-to-heart conversations. Come back tonight for dinner, around seven, and I'll try to answer at least some of your questions. Then you can go back to where ever it is you came from."

Knowing it wasn't even eleven, Heero wondered what he was going to do with the rest of the day. He'd come here to see Duo, and he had. But with questions still lingering between them, he couldn't leave Old Castle yet.

"Are you staying at the Rose and Crown?" Duo asked without lifting his head from the steering wheel.

"Where else?"

Duo chuckled. "Yeah, stupid question. Need a lift?"

"No. I walked here, I can walk back."

The two men climbed out of the truck and Heero walked around the front while Duo greeted his dog. "What's the dog's name?" He thought Duo had said it that morning, but he couldn't recall what it was.

"Boo."

"That's an unusual name. When did you get him?"

"Shortly after you left."

"Is there some significance to his name?"

Duo grinned fondly at his dog while he scratched the happy canine behind a golden furred ear. "Let's just say he's not the best watch dog," he said with a chuckle. Then in a more serious tone he added, "But he was a big help in brightening some very dark days and nights."

Before he could say anything in response to that cryptic statement, Duo walked away from him, towards the back of the house. "See you at seven," he called out over his shoulder. Heero reluctantly watched him disappear around the back corner of the house, his heart twitching back to life and aching with an old familiar need to chase after the other man. He paused to wonder about the "dark days and nights" Duo mentioned and what exactly had happened after his departure eight years ago. Of course he'd thought about Duo during his journey, but he'd never really given much thought about how Duo would take his long absence. He'd assumed that the American, a former gundam pilot and L2 survivor, was self-sufficient and would be fine during his absence. He'd left him the house, after all, and knew that Duo had a decent amount of savings in the bank. Had he been wrong? Had Duo succumbed to depression? That certainly seemed to fit the term dark; as in dark moods, dark thoughts. He'd need to be careful to ask the right questions if he wanted Duo to fess up about his life during the past eight years. And dammit, if Wufei was in any way responsible for those dark times, he'd make sure the Chinese man would suffer for hurting the American.

He stopped at a café, close to the Rose and Crown, and ordered some hot soup along with rye bread topped with butter and some coffee. He took his time eating, knowing he had all afternoon, and observed the other café's patrons and the citizens of Old Castle as they hurried about their business on the day before Christmas Eve. He didn't recognize anyone, which wasn't surprising considering he'd been gone for so long, and for the fact that those on the streets were completely covered from head to toe in order to protect themselves from the frigid outdoor temperature.

His waitress, dressed in a denim skirt and white cotton blouse with a thick Scandinavian-style wool sweater keeping her warm, seemed to be about his age. She was friendly without being flirty, efficient though personable in serving him his meal. On an off chance, he decided to question her. If anyone had recalled his and Duo's moving there eight years ago, it was likely to be a young woman interested in two newcomers who happened to be near her same age.

"Excuse me," he said as politely as he could manage. "You seem familiar. I moved here about eight years ago with Duo Maxwell. Did I meet you back then?"

The young woman looked at him with surprise, and then she took a minute to study him. "I don't think we've met," she began in a thoughtful manner, "but I remember you. You and Duo bought the old Hirshburg house."

"That's right."

"Are you here visiting Duo?"

"Yes. I wanted to see how he was doing. I haven't seen him since his marriage to Wufei."

"Ah. Wufei. I almost forgot his name, but I'll never forget his scowl, nor how well he took care of Duo during the time he was here, even though we didn't see much of either of them for a long while. I guess he moved on because I haven't seen him around here in years."

Heero blinked, not sure he'd heard the woman correctly. "Wufei doesn't live here anymore?"

"No. I'm not sure what happened between them, but he returned to New Port City after living here for a year or two. I think I overheard Duo telling another customer who asked that his former-husband was doing well. Were you friends with him also?"

Dumbfounded. That was the only word to describe how Heero felt. Wufei and Duo weren't together. Wufei had left, and apparently they were on somewhat friendly terms. Why hadn't Duo said anything? Why would he let him go on believing he and Wufei were still married, that Wufei was going to be home for dinner? No, wait. Duo never said Wufei was coming home. He never really said anything about the other man at all. But when he'd asked, it had to have been obvious that he believed they were together. Why would Duo let him go on believing he was married?

"Are you all right?" The waitress asked with a look of genuine concern on her wide and pale face.

Heero blinked, coming out of his thoughts and looked at her with a question on his lips. "Is Duo presently involved with anyone?"

"Romantically?" Heero nodded and she answered, "No, not that I know of. He's a great guy, though, not to mention good looking. Too bad he's not into women."

"Who does he hang around with?"

"The men, especially the old ones. He meets them down at the pub on Saturday nights. After a couple of hours he takes all of them to their homes because he's the only one who is sober."

"He doesn't drink?"

"Never. Not even soda. He always asks for bottled water, the expensive kind."

Heero could hardly believe that he was listening to a description of Duo Maxwell. The boy from L2 had been trained for operating his gundam aboard a sweeper vessel, where beer was the drink of choice with meals and in-between-meal snacks. Duo, though underage for purchasing alcohol, always had a craving for beer. That he was known for abstaining from alcohol was rather alarming. What had changed Duo? The people Heero was acquainted with how turned down alcohol were usually religious or had a problem with the substance, recovering alcoholics. The last reason made more sense to him than the first. Had his leaving or Duo's breakup with Wufei served as a catalyst for the braided man turning to alcohol? Had he become an alcoholic and that's why he now avoided alcohol altogether? The more he learned about his former lover the more he realized he no longer knew him very well.

He left the café with these thoughts filling his head. Instead of spending the afternoon strolling through the shops with their garish and beguiling holiday decorations, he returned to his room and opened his laptop with the intention of writing. He sat for the longest time with fingers poised over the keyboard, stuck in a stupor of thought, wondering what else was Duo trying to hide?

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: I think I forgot to mention that this story is dedicated to my proofreader, Swordy. Without her I'd be lost. Hugs and the best of everything to my friend in England.**

**Warning: This chapter contains a lemon. Please do not read if you are under the age of 16.**

**Part 3**

Heero arrived back at his former home at 6:15 p.m. unable to wait any longer in his hotel room. It was a dark winter night, and after spending the afternoon pondering the many unanswered questions regarding Duo, he felt as if his mounting suspicions and anger were leaking out from his pores. He stood rigid before the familiar front door, unmindful of the bay window and the bright, twinkling Christmas lights that brightened the front of the house while waiting for it to open. With his fists clenched and arms stiff at his sides, he struggled with the urge to reach out and throttle the man opening the door.

"You're earl..." Duo was cut off and a startled sound escaped his throat when Heero pushed him inside the house and firmly slammed the door behind him, rattling every window in the house. Continuing his momentum, the writer pushed forward, causing Duo to stumble backwards, only managing to keep his feet under him because Heero's fists were firmly holding the front of this flannel shirt.

Unfortunately, neither man was aware that Boo was in the way until they stumbled over him, causing all three to yelp in surprise. Amongst flailing arms and legs they tumbled to the floor, the large dog barely managing to dart out from beneath the two men at the last moment.

Pinned beneath Heero's weight, Duo struggled to push the other man off. His efforts abruptly ended when Heero rose up only enough to look him in the eyes, their faces mere inches apart. At the same moment, both men stilled, becoming acutely aware of the compromising position the fall had caused, with Heero's lower body nestled between Duo's spread thighs. He could tell that Duo was about to ask him what the hell did he think he was doing, so he beat him to the punch.

"Why didn't you tell me your relationship with Wufei was over?" the Japanese man demanded, anger distorting his handsome face.

Defiance lit up Duo's eyes. "Like I said before, it's none of your business."

"Dammit, Duo, it is my business!"

The braided man winced at the statement being shouted in his face. "I'm not your business, Heero, and neither is Wufei. Eight years without a word from you negates even friendly concerns you might have for your former friends' welfare."

Heero ground his teeth together as he strove to curb his rising frustration with the other man. "I want the truth from you, Duo. And so help me, if I don't get it I'm going to wring it out of you."

"Get off of me," Duo hissed through clenched teeth, his eyes blazing with anger.

"No, not until you tell me what happened. Did you become an alcoholic after Wufei left?"

Duo stilled and his large blue-violet eyes blinked with confusion. "An alcoholic? Where the hell did you get that idea?"

Relief washed over Heero as he replied, "I guess that's a no."

"Damn right it's a no. Who have you been talking to?"

"A waitress down at the Sassy Seagull café."

"What? You were gossiping about me with a stranger?"

Heero frowned. "If you won't give me a straight answer, then how else am I going to find out what's been going on? I'm telling you the truth, Duo, when I say I'm not leaving Old Castle until I have my answers."

"Then you're only going to get them from the local gossips, because I don't share my business with just anyone."

Heero took a deep breath, reminding himself not to back Duo into a corner. In a much softer tone of voice, he looked into the other man's face, so close to his own, and with a touch of the sadness he asked, "And when did I become just anyone? Please, Duo, tell me what I need to know."

That did it. All the fight and belligerence in Duo vanished when he saw the pain in Heero's eyes. The braided man shook his head, now resigned to answering some of Heero's questions, "I thought we could talk over dinner. But first, do you think you can get off me? You're crushing me."

Feeling obstinate, Heero gently ground his hips into the other man's lower regions and was pleased to find evidence that Duo wasn't that adverse to his attentions. His heart sped up after hearing Duo moan. "I rather like this way of communicating," Heero said softly, and taking advantage of the intimacy of their contact he lowered his head to nuzzle Duo's pale neck.

"Wha... what are you doing?" the braided man gasped.

Pleased that Duo wasn't pushing him away, Heero allowed himself to get caught up in the smell and taste of Duo. It was coming back to him now how addictive the natural scent of the American was, and always had been. With Duo pinned beneath him, and the scent and taste of him pleasurably filling Heero's senses, he came to the realization that no one had or could ever compete for his affections and come out favorably with the man he'd first fallen in love with in his youth. Knowing that Duo was now single, that he apparently had no husband or even lover, he would be a complete fool to let him slip away again.

Slow and hot open mouth kisses covered Duo's neck, jaw, cheeks and ears. The braided man felt paralyzed by Heero's touch and his intoxicating nearness. He knew he should put an end to this and push Heero away, but it felt so incredibly good. _I'll stop him in a minute_, he told himself. And then that minute passed, as did several more, and he thought his heart was going to burst it was beating so rapidly in his chest. "Heero," he whispered, his voice little more than a moan as his hands desperately gripped the other man's shoulders.

"When did you stop loving me?" Heero whispered, returning to the question asked earlier that morning.

A fraction of a moment later Duo managed to gasp out, "Never. I never stopped loving you."

So many conflicting emotions coursed through Heero's mind. He covered Duo's mouth with his own, frantic to recapture what he'd lost so many years ago.

Duo reciprocated in kind, now desperate to have this moment, this night with Heero, regardless of what regrets tomorrow might bring. His arms rose of their own accord to hold Heero's body tightly to his own, never wanting to let the other man go.

Reluctantly, Heero broke the kiss, only to ask, "Why did you marry Wufei?"

Duo's reaction to that question was sudden, and it was as if a bucket of cold water had been tossed over them the way the braided man's face closed off, and he immediately turned his head away from Heero's gaze. Catching his breath he answered, "I had a very good reason, Heero, but I just don't want to talk about it, at least not now."

Heero's anger came back in an instant. "Well when in the hell are you going to feel like talking about it? I have to leave here in a couple of days and I don't want to go away with my questions being unanswered."

It was a surprise to the Japanese man when Duo turned to look at him once more. His facial expression had changed from anger to something altogether different. It seemed to him those blue-violet eyes were pleading for something as Duo raised his hand to cup his cheek tenderly and said. "I know you'll be leaving soon, Heero, but for old time's sake, do you think we can put the past aside for the next two days? We never had a real Christmas together, and that's what I'd like most of all. Can we do that? Build a new memory to replace the old hurts with something better?" Without waiting for an answer, Duo leaned up and kissed his former lover, tenderly at first, and then more aggressively as the need for something more took over.

It took only one stunned moment before Heero could react. His demand for answers evaporated and he pulled Duo's body against his own, deepening the kiss the other man initiated. He suddenly knew, not having realizing it before, that this was what he'd wanted from the moment he'd seen Duo working in his shop. The touch, taste and smell of Duo was a physical homecoming that surpassed any other welcome he could imagine. Soon their limbs were entwined, and hands began moving as the two men began to rediscover each other. They would have stripped off each other's clothing within minutes if it weren't for an unexpected and unwelcome interruption. A warm, wet tongue was applied to Duo's face, while an equally wet nose brushed Heero's cheek.

"Boo!" Duo chided with a grin.

Heero looked at the dog, who seemed to be smiling. "Maybe we should take this somewhere a bit more..."

"Dog proof?" Duo guessed with a grin.

"Yes. And also private and more comfortable. I definitely feel a draft coming from under your front door."

Truning to look at the entrance doorway, the braided man frowned. "It must need new weatherstripping. I'll fix it later."

"Tomorrow."

"What?"

"You can fix it tomorrow. We've got other plans for tonight."

Duo's smile did something to Heero's insides. He felt a stirring in his belly that touched his heart as Duo combed his fingers through his hair and said, "Let's go upstairs."

After giving the Boo the command to stay, no further words were spoken between the two men as they climbed the stairs hand in hand. Nearing the top landing, Heero recalled the way to the room he'd formerly shared with Duo. He frowned at the thought that it was most likely the same room the long-haired man had also shared with Wufei. Instead of being jealous, he set a goal in his mind to erase any memory Duo might have of his former husband by making new, unforgettable memories tonight.

The moment they'd crossed the bedroom's threshold Duo was back in his arms, their mouths joined while their hands were busy pulling and peeling off the layers of warm clothing.

The lights emanating from shops, streetlights and the homes of Old Castle reflected off the low cloud cover, casting something close to moon glow into the second story bedroom through the open-curtain window. Once the barriers of clothing were shed, Heero gently eased Duo down onto the double bed. In the soft, light Duo's face was even more stunning as their passion rose. "I want to taste you Duo, to touch every part of you."

"Want you," Duo whispered in return as Heero placed himself on the end of the bed, near his feet. The darker-haired man picked up the bare right foot and kissed the slender ankle and proceeded to do the same up the inside of the slightly furred calf to the knee, which led his lips to creamy, pale and soft thighs. When Duo was squirming, needing more, he began on the left foot, following the same path as the other.

Ignoring the part of Duo that seemed to need his attention the most, Heero placed kisses on the flat stomach, chest and neck, feeling the rapid beat of Duo's heart against his lips and tongue. That he could cause the man beneath him to respond so ardently to his touch was exhilarating, and made Heero more determined than ever to make this night the best either one of them had ever had.

Duo arched upward, desperately needing Heero to touch him before he died from frustration. His former lover's kisses were both sweet and searing, branding his flesh with each touch. As Heero moved those teasing lips up his neck, he could stand no more. With fingers threading through chocolate locks, he pulled upwards, easily coaxing Heero's mouth to meld with his own. That warm, caramel skin pressed against his own helped dispel some of the cold that permeated the upstairs room. Contrary to the air's temperature, Duo felt like he was ready to combust.

"Heero." The neediness of the other man's voice when he moaned his name gave notice that Duo was about to come undone.

"Just a moment," he said, hating to stop for even a moment but he had to ask. "Do you have what we need?"

After a long pause and a disappointed groan, Duo mumbled unhappily. "Yeah, but it's in the bathroom. Hold on and I'll go get it."

The moment Duo moved away from him, Heero became aware of how cold the bedroom was. He remedied the situation by climbing under the down comforter. He watched Duo leave the bed and make his way to the adjoining bathroom, the warmth of his body and passion they shared lingering on his skin. Even so, the Japanese man wondered why he suddenly felt so bereft. That feeling of being lost was aching familiar, something he'd felt all too often during the past eight years. The pang of emptiness caused by Duo's temporary absence reminded him of how lonely he 'd truly been over the years, and he had no one to blame but himself. He'd deliberately kept past lovers at arms' length, quickly courting and bedding agreeable men and women without extending promises of, or desire for, a future with them. Love them and leave them had been his motto, and though the phrase was trite, he'd adopted and practiced it with a carefully constructed barrier around his heart. He'd always been up front with his bed companions, telling them he wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. His emotional detachment - something he'd learned in his early youth, during his training as an assassin's protégée - had made it easier for him to enjoy others' companionship and intimacy for physical release without commitment. In retrospect, those with whom he'd had sex with since his departure from Old Castle had never stirred within him the overwhelming feelings of desire, need, protectiveness and, yes, love that being with Duo caused him to feel. The American had always had an uncanny way of breaking through his defenses.

The sound of cabinets being opened and shut in the other room brought a slight, amused smile to Heero's face. Duo was obviously searching for the items they needed, giving Heero another minute to think about the situation. He slowly stroked his erection, keeping himself ready for his lover's return. Lover. It had been years since he'd assigned such a title to anyone, and Duo had been the first and last. As the long-haired man exited the bathroom, his lithe silhouette moving closer to the bed, Heero knew he wanted more from Duo than just sex or a one or two night journey down memory lane. He wanted Duo, lock, stock and barrel. The thought of having Duo to go to bed with each night, to wake up with the next morning, to turn around and share a thought, a joke or the occasional frustration of writer's block had more appeal than anything he'd ever desired before. What an idiot he'd been to leave Duo in search of a future knowing that the American was the best thing to have ever happened to him. Perhaps it was true that with time came wisdom, for he had no intention of repeating the mistakes of the past. Now, all he had to do was convince Duo to take him back and agree to spend the rest of their lives together.

The bed dipped and then Duo's chilled body was pressed up against his side. "Burr... It's cold," the braided man said, his teeth chattering slightly from walking around naked in the cold room.

Heero took him in his arms, determined to warm the slender man's body as quickly as possible. He leaned over and captured Duo's soft and willing mouth while his hands began again to stoke the fires of passion once more.

When Duo's body was as hot and ready as his own, he pried the tube of lube and condom from his soon-to-be lover's hand, and while they lay on their sides, facing each other, he pulled Duo's upper thigh over his waist, giving him access to the place he'd soon be pleasuring with something better than his fingers. With great care he began to prepare his lover. Duo's muscles were tight and he was tense. Heero had to wonder if he'd been with anyone since his divorce from Wufei. He would take things slow, he decided, in order to assure the braided man would feel no great discomfort or regret for what they were about to do.

Duo moaned and arched his back as Heero pleasured him in a way he hadn't experienced in a long time. If the other man didn't take him soon, it was going to be all over before they got to the best part. "Enough, Heero," he gasped. "Take me already."

Duo was eased onto his back and Heero positioned himself over him and kissed him until he could hardly breathe. Hands strong and sure caught him behind his knees and urged them upward, and Duo responded by lifting and then wrapping his legs around Heero's back. And then he felt it, the easing of Heero's member into his body. Though he'd been stretched, it was still a bit uncomfortable, and he vaguely recalled that this was how it had always been. Yet if his memory served him well, the minor discomfort would soon be gone and he was going to feel pretty damn wonderful in a minute or two.

The caution and gentleness Heero exercised reminded Duo of a similar night nearly ten years ago. It was on Peacemillion, before one of the space battles. There was fear on his part that they were running out of time. Their enemies were coming after them with all they had, and there was no guarantee that either he or Heero would survive to see the outcome of the next battle, much less the war. Having several month's worth of desire and teenage lust building up, Heero proposed they not wait any longer to physically explore the strong attraction that could no longer be denied. In light of the constant battles, the agreement they'd made, to wait for the end of the war before beginning physical relationship, no longer seemed quite so important. On that night, with cooking oil stolen from the galley and a condom swiped from sickbay, Heero had made love to him for the first time. Then, just as it was on this winter night, their love making was unhurried and cautious. The tender memory made the moment even more meaningful, bringing tears to Duo's eyes.

Concentrating on moving slowly to lessen any discomfort Duo might be feeling, Heero didn't open his eyes to look at the man beneath him until he was fully seated. When he did, he was stunned by seeing moisture seeping from those beautiful eyes. "Am I hurting you?" he asked, alarmed by the thought.

Duo's hand came up to lovingly cup his face. "This is like before, on the first night we made love," Duo replied in an emotion-filled voice. "I'd forgotten how gentle you were, how kind and loving."

Heero nodded. He remembered that night, too. Turning his head, he kissed the open palm that was resting on his cheek. "I loved you then, but it was only the beginning to what I would come to know of love." And how he loved Duo. "Let me show you how I feel about you now, what this night means to me."

After receiving a brief nod of the braided head, giving his permission, Heero swooped down to take Duo's mouth in a heated kiss that was intended to arouse and curl the other man's toes with the strength of his love, leading them towards the next step.

As Heero began to move within his lover's body, he was almost lost to the overwhelming feeling of pleasure coursing through his mind and body. The feel, smell and taste of Duo was intoxicating, but it was those eyes, beautiful and filled with passion and glimmering with unshed tears that urged him to go slowly, to make this moment last forever. Heero recalled the past as well, also thinking of the first time they made love on his bunk on Peacemillion. It had been his need to share something other than violence and war with Duo, as well as anxious feelings for the battle to come that prompted him to break his agreement with Duo to wait. Not knowing whether either of them would survive the impending battle the next morning, he wanted to make love to the American, to have no regrets should one of them perish in the fight. They had been clumsy, being the first time for both of them, but he'd researched what to do and had improvised on the items necessary for their joining.

Duo had been a short and lean teenager with more attitude and spunk than his small frame could hold at times. He was taller now and almost as slight of build as he had been as a teenager, with the same smooth and unblemished skin. Beneath his fingers and in the dim light, he saw a man's body instead of a boy's, still slender but with muscles more pronounced. Heero's breath caught in his throat as he looked down on the long-haired man, finding Duo to be as beautiful now as he'd been when they were teenagers making love for the first time.

Drowning in wave after wave of pleasure as Heero touched him in all the right places, Duo met each thrust eagerly, his hands gliding over Heero's shoulders and back, memorizing everything he could about the other man. As the primal need for more grew, the long-haired man reached up to thread his fingers through the dark brown hair and pulled Heero's head down to his own, fusing their lips together, wanting to be completely consumed by him. His other hand slid down the strong and firm back, feeling undulating muscles moving rhythmically beneath his palm as Heero pleasured them both. Moving that hand even lower to the curve of Heero's bottom, he applied pressure, urging the man above him to move more forcefully and quickly.

With Duo's hand urging him on and their mouths and bodies so intimately joined, Heero found it impossible resist his efforts at prolonging their lovemaking. He quickened the pace and the two men raced together towards a joint completion. In a burst of breathless rapture, both men gasped and froze the instant they toppled over the edge together.

Heero collapsed onto Duo's chest a moment after he'd reached Nirvana, his trembling body covering the man beneath him. He paused to catch his breath and calm his heart and body, and to relish the moment as one of the most significant in his life. As soon as he caught his breath, he began to rain kisses of gratitude on Duo's neck, shoulders and as much of his face as he could reach while his sated member remained buried within his lover.

Duo's body was completely relaxed. For a long, wonderful moment, he'd lost himself in Heero's arms, feeling as if he were touching something almost sacred when he'd climaxed along with Heero. Absolute contentment filled him, and he promised himself to never forget this moment or this night. When Heero was gone, as he expected him to be within a day or so, he would recall everything that had gone on between them, every touch, kiss and feeling, and memory that would remain with him for the rest of his life.

Butterfly kisses on his shoulders, neck and face brought him back to the here and now. Heero was a wonderful lover, and it was obvious that during the past eight years he'd learned a thing or two about the intricacies of lovemaking. He had no doubt that Heero had been with others, with his good looks and well-known accomplishments as a writer he'd be a target for many seeking his attention and bed. After all, wasn't it Heero's physical attractiveness and ability to fly a gundam and bend steel that had captured his attention as a fifteen year old kid? When he'd gotten to know the boy from L1 better, he'd fallen hopelessly in love with him. He could easily understand how others would also fall under the same spell Heero unknowing cast.

He worried for a moment that his own attempt to give Heero pleasure in return hadn't appeared clumsy or childish. He wasn't like Heero any more. He lived a simple, uncomplicated life in a small village that was ever watchful of everything that went on. Their moving into Old Castle over eight years ago had certainly stirred things up, and then after Heero's departure and the sudden appearance of Wufei, he'd become the main source of gossip once more. Their divorce had been a quiet, amicable affair, but he had no doubt the gossips of the village speculated on what had gone wrong between himself and the Chinese Preventer agent. He'd spent years trying to be a contributing member of the village, making friends and doing his best to live a good, meaningful life. He'd put all thoughts of having another relationship, like the one he'd had with Heero, behind him. He hadn't allowed another man to get close enough to share his life, to help shoulder the burden of uncertainty that he carried with him from the moment he woke up each and every morning.

"I love you." The words spoken softly by lips touching his jaw sounded sincere, and with equal sincerity Duo responded with all honesty, "I love you, too."

With Heero still inside of him, they began their lovemaking anew until once more they were able to recapture the feeling of euphoria that had taken them earlier. There was very little sleep to be had that night, and it was only an hour or so before sunrise that their exhausted bodies demanded a reprieve and they both fell into the dreamless sleep of the well sated.

When Heero finally awoke, his body was the first to remind him of the long and wonderful night that had just passed. With a smile on his lips he turned to his right and opened his eyes only to find that he was alone in the bed. He sat up, feeling the ache that accompanied a night of passionate lovemaking and of having been taken. It was a good feeling, one that he'd hope to experience on a regular basis.

The room was cold, and though he loathed the thought of getting out of the warm bed, he did so, quickly picking up his scattered clothing and moving

into the adjoining bathroom. Heero helped himself to a quick shower, letting the hot water warm his chilled body before he donned his clothing and used some of Duo's toothpaste and mouthwash to freshen his mouth.

Climbing down the stairs, he glimpsed out of the front bay window that the predicted snow had arrived. They'd be no getting over the mountain pass to New Port City for a couple of days, not that he was in any hurry to leave. Sounds of movement came from the kitchen, and so it was in that direction he turned.

The sight that greeted him wasn't unexpected, but it warmed him from the inside out to see Duo in the middle of making breakfast while his dog lay on a braided rug next to the stove. The table had been set for two, with a bowl of cut-up fruit sitting atop a matching plate. There were two mugs as well as glasses at the top of each setting. "Good Morning," he greeted the cook, who turned his head and presented him with a dazzling smile.

"Morning. I was just about to come and wake you when I heard the shower turn on. Did you sleep well?"

Continuing forward as Duo spoke, Heero now approached the man at the stove and hugged him from behind. Seeking out skin beneath the collar of the blue flannel shirt with his lips he replied, "I slept better than I have in years."

Taking Duo's chin in his hand, he turned the other man's face enough to have access to his mouth and kissed Duo deeply, trying to convey once more how much he loved him.

Duo kissed back with equal enthusiasm, but then chuckled and pulled away, much too soon for Heero's liking. "Sit down before I burn the oatmeal. Would you like eggs or something else?"

"Oatmeal?" Heero was dumbfounded. "If I remember right, you used to hate oatmeal or anything remotely healthy."

The braided man shrugged. "I did, but it's a natural food and a good source of fiber. I eat only whole grains for breakfast now, maybe an occasional poached or boiled egg. Everything else I eat is organic and lean meats."

Heero thought it was very odd that Duo had made such a drastic change in his diet, from his former junk food ways. No doubt Wufei had something to do with that change. Rather than bring up Duo's former husband, always a tetchy subject, he answered the other man's question. "I'll just have some oatmeal."

Soon two steaming bowls of oatmeal were placed on the table to cool, and while the wheat bread was in the toaster, the two men sat down and began to eat the bowl of fruit that had been set out for them.

Duo glanced up several times while eating with a look that seemed oddly shy. He shifted in his seat, and Heero noted that he'd done it several times in the space of two minutes. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine, why do you ask?" Duo asked with his spoon of melon poised half way between the bowl and his mouth.

"Your shifting suggests you're uncomfortable."

The blush on Duo's cheeks deepened. "I'm feeling a bit tender. It's been a while since I've been with anyone."

Guilt assailed Heero. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed for more than one round."

The braided man stopped in mid chew, and with one eyebrow raised he asked, "Did you hear me complaining?"

"Well, no, but..."

"No buts, Heero. I wanted you, and you gave me everything I'd ever dreamed of. Thanks, by the way, for staying."

"Thanks for letting me," Heero replied with a teasing grin.

"So, what have you got planned for today?"

Heero watched as Duo pushed the empty fruit bowl away and replaced it with the full bowl of oatmeal. The toast popped up from the toaster and quickly brought to the table. As Duo proceeded to pour milk and sprinkle brown sugar on top of his hot cereal, Heero answered his question, "My initial thought was to take you back up to the bedroom for the rest of the day, but now that I know you're sore, we might have to delay my plans for a day or two."

Duo swallowed down his first spoonful before answering. "As good as that sounds, I've got too much to do today to go back to bed. I'm afraid you'll be on your own until this evening. Is that alright?"

Though he was disappointed at not having Duo to himself for the day, Heero forced himself to smile and say, "I'm sure I can find something to do."

Looking a bit sheepish, Duo said, "I've a confession to make. I called the Rose and Crown earlier and told Franz that you might be spending the holiday with me. He said if you checked out by noon there would be no charges for today. If you'd like to stay here at the house, why don't you go back there this morning and settle your account and then bring your luggage back here. Maybe we could have lunch together before I head back to my workshop and you can hang around here or in the village until it's time to head out to the church for the Christmas Eve program. You're invited to that as well, if you'd like to come."

"Sounds good. But are you sure you don't mind my staying?"

"I don't mind," Duo said, grinning in a roguish manner that had Heero's stomach doing slight flip flops. "How long do you think you can stay?"

"My return ticket for London is set for the evening of the twenty seventh," he answered. He held back from say that he was thinking about postponing his trip if things continued on the way they were.

Duo grinned. "That gives us a couple more days." The prospect of spending more time together caused the blue-violet eyes to brighten considerably. He then began to eat in earnest. Watching the cereal rapidly disappear, Heero smiled to himself, thinking that at least one thing about Duo hadn't changed from when he was a teenager. He'd never seen anyone pack so much food and so quickly in one sitting and remain unbelievably thin. It came as no surprise that Duo finished before he did, and in a flash Duo jumped up and out of his chair to place his dishes in the sink.

While filling the sink with hot water and dish soap, Duo looked over his shoulder. "How about I meet you at the Village Square at noon? It's a little café about two blocks north of the Rose and Crown."

"Alright," Heero answered, picking up his empty bowls while standing from his chair. He placed his dishes next to the sink then moved behind Duo to wrap his arms around him from the back. The braided head tilted to the right, giving Heero access to a temptingly long and pale neck.

Leaning back into the firm chest, Duo moaned, finding Heero's embrace and kisses too good to resist. Then swiftly spinning, he held his wet hands out in an effort to not get Heero wet, and gave him a quick and fierce kiss before stepping back and laughing. "Now go, while I have the strength of mind to let you out of my sight."

Leaning forward for a brief peck on Duo's lips, Heero nodded. "All right, but I expect to have you all to myself later tonight."

"As soon as we get back from the church," Duo agreed.

It was bitterly cold outside and yet so beautiful despite the dark sky promising more snow. Other than the newly plowed streets, the ground was covered with a thick layer of pristine while snowfall and the air was crisp and clean and the below freezing temperature caused his sinuses to crackle. Pulling his collar closer to his neck, Heero could see by the shoveled sidewalk that Duo had been busy that morning. Wearing his sturdiest shoes, he began the short walk to the village center, vowing to buy some proper water-proof, extra warm footwear as soon as possible.

As he made his way to the Rose and Crown, eyeing people passing by with their hands full of purchases, it came to him that he didn't have a Christmas present for his lover. Duo lived a pretty simple life, which made gift buying a bit more difficult. What could he give the man who seemed utterly content with what he already had? He recalled the inside of Duo's house and an idea suddenly came to him. He wondered if the small village had a shop that carried vid phones. He noticed Duo was using a standard phone, but a vid phone would give him contact to his other friends, people he cared about who lived too far away to see on a regular basis. Though even the more simple vid phones were too expensive for the average citizen, the cost was nothing to Heero in light of the happiness it would bring the other man. A vid phone. Yes, that's what he would buy Duo for their first celebrated Christmas.

As suggested, he checked out of the Rose and Crown and asked the clerk to hold his luggage while he spent some more time shopping that morning. Leisurely wandering though the festive shops and buying a couple of needed items, Heero could sense an air of anticipation and excitement in the air as the hours began to count down until the Christmas celebrations began. It was the first time in his 25 years that he shared those same feelings.

As the time to meet Duo neared, Heero walked towards the Village Square café in his new insulated boots and carrying several large packages, all covered in holiday wrapping, thanks to the store's customer service.

He entered the café and scanned the interior. Despite the fact that the village streets seemed to be filled with people, there were relatively few seated at the tables. A server escorted him to a table for four, and he carefully set his purchases on the two extra chairs and calmly looked over the menu while waiting for Duo to arrive.

Ten minutes past the designated hour, a blast of cold air and a bundled up man burst through the front door of the café. Heero looked up to see a long braid hanging over the thick down jacket, the only recognizable feature on the bundled up man. Removing the woolen cap from his head and the scarf from around his face and neck, Duo immediately spied him and made his way over to the table, a bright smile on his face. The shifting of the violet eyes told Heero that Duo had seen the gift packages on the chairs.

With a less brilliant smile, Duo pulled out the chair to his left and sat down. "Looks like you've been busy," he said, nodding toward Heero's packages while pulling off his jacket.

"Just a little last minute shopping."

"For me?"

Heero wondered why Duo looked displeased. "No, for Mr. Jenkins at the Rose and Crown," he answered facetiously.

Duo looked embarrassed. "Ah.. That's real nice of you, Heero, but I don't have a lot of money and..."

"Stop!" Putting his hand on Duo's forearm, Heero looked with earnest into the other man's eyes. "I wanted to get you something to celebrate our first Christmas together. I don't expect you to give me anything. What we shared last night meant more than anything you could buy me. You have my word, Duo, I have never received a better gift than that."

"Still..."

"I know you would if you could," Heero interjected. "Please, let me do this without having you feel badly."

"I don't know what to say," Duo said, and he certainly looked like he was at a loss for words.

"Say, I can't wait for tonight."

The beginning of a grin grew on the braided man's face. "I'm counting every minute between now and then."

The waitress took that moment to approach their table and take their lunch orders.

After finishing their lunch, the two men returned to the Rose and Crown to collect Heero's luggage. Powdery, white snow fell heavily from the low clouds while Duo carried the two pieces of luggage and Heero hauled the heavy presents down the street and finally into the two-story house. Boo enthusiastically greeted them and was promptly let out to do his business. Once the front door was closed behind them, Heero paused as the most wonderful aroma hit him. "What is that?" he asked, having closed eyes to appreciate more fully the smell of spices and fruit.

"Um.. my Christmas gift for my neighbors," Duo replied a bit bashfully.

"Smells like baked peaches."

"It's peach pie." Heero opened his eyes to see his lover was blushing with embarrassment.

"Can I see?"

"Sure." Setting the luggage down in the foyer as well as the gifts, both men took off their outerwear before Duo led the other man into the kitchen where Heero was surprised to see five wonderfully aromatic pies sitting out on the counter top.

"You did all of this after I left?"

"Yeah. I have to deliver them tonight, and I've still got four more pies to go."

"Where the hell did you get peaches this time of year?" Heero felt like he was drifting on a cloud of fragrance as he moved closer to the five pies.

"I bought fresh peaches last summer and froze them together with the sugar and spices with today in mind. Grandma Paulina showed me how to make a decent pie crust a couple of years ago. I know it's probably not the most manly thing to do, but this way I can give something to the people I care about without spending a lot of money."

"Any chance there will be one left?"

Moving forward, Duo wrapped his arms around the blue eyed man. "I'll see what I can do," he whispered with a smile.

For as long as he lived Heero knew he'd always associate the smell of peach pie with Duo and this moment. He returned the other man's embrace, and would have been happy to spend the rest of the afternoon in the kitchen with the aromatic sweetness filling the air, but it was clear Duo had more to do.

Pulling away, the braided man gave him a chaste kiss before turning him towards the living room. "Go, and let me finish this. I've only got a couple of hours until we have to leave for the church. You are coming, aren't you?"

Not a religious man by any means, Heero would normally stay as far away from a church full of people as he could. But the hopeful glint in Duo's eyes swayed him enough to agree. "Yes. We'll go together."

"Great!" Duo's eyes sparkled with happiness. "Now go let Boo in and entertain yourself for a couple of hours. You can put a couple of logs on the fire if it's not warm enough in there."

Having been dismissed, Heero reluctantly left the kitchen. He went to the front door as instructed and let the anxious dog in. Boo quickly went towards the fireplace and lay down on the rug provided for him. Heero thought the room did feel a bit chilly, so he added two logs to the simmering, faintly glowing logs in the fireplace. A small television sat on a table across from the sofa. Heero turned it on but found the channel selections limited. Slouched comfortably on the sofa, he mindlessly watched a new version of Charles Dickens' _A Christmas Carol_, while half listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen and snores of contentment coming from Boo.

Around four, the phone rang. "I'll get it," Duo called out a moment before he appeared and picked up the cordless phone from off the hall table. "Hello?" he answered. After a moment he quickly left the room, returning to the kitchen.

Curious, Heero couldn't help wanting to know who Duo was talking to, though he figured he probably wouldn't know anyone other than their three former comrades from the war. He silently rose from the sofa and tip-toed to the kitchen door with the intention of catching a few words of conversation, just to see if he could figure out who was calling.

"... scan and blood work a couple of days ago. I'm expecting the clinic to call with the final report anytime now," Duo said to the mysterious caller. "I can't help being tense. You know how anxious I get waiting." There was a long pause when it appeared the person on the other end of the line was saying something. "I swear I'm all right. No, I don't want you to change your plans. I'm fine. No, Wu, and I mean it!" Duo said more firmly. "Besides, I've got some company for the holidays and you've got a proposal to deliver. Did you get the ring?" Pause. "Of course she'll say yes. She's crazy about you." Another pause. "Call me tomorrow and let me know how it went."

Shortly after that Duo ended the conversation with a heartfelt Merry Christmas and a softer goodbye, signaling Heero to quickly return to the sofa. He sat in the same spot he'd left only a few moments before with his mind in a turmoil over what he'd just heard. It was fairly evident by the one-sided conversation and tone of Duo's voice that he and Wufei were still on pretty good terms after their divorce. Wufei, apparently, was worried about his former spouse. And from the sounds of it, the Chinese man was going to propose to someone tonight. A female. And what was this about a scan, blood work and results? Was Duo ill?

He didn't have time to ponder the phone call any further because Duo burst through the closed door with the phone in hand, which he placed back in its place on the table. "Almost done," the braided man stated as he turned around to retrace his steps back to the kitchen.

Not wanting to lose his chance to talk about what he'd overheard, without letting on the he had done so, Heero asked as casually as possible, "Who called?"

Duo slowed to a halt, and with a guilty look on his face replied, "Ah... that was Wufei. He just called to wish me a Merry Christmas."

"Did you tell him I was here?"

Duo shook his head. "You didn't say whether or not you wanted anyone to know, so I thought I'd better not say anything."

"I don't mind."

"No, I don't suppose you do, but I think Wufei might."

Perplexed, Heero stood and approached the other man. "Why would Wufei care whether I'm here or not?"

A guarded look crossed the handsome American's face. "I'm not comfortable discussing Wufei with you, Heero. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to finish these pies."

Reaching out to grab Duo's arm to prevent him from stepping away, Heero turned the other man around to face him. "Why did the two of you divorce?"

Duo's eyes narrowed. "I don't think that's any of your business."

Heero's anger began to seep out from his control as he snarled, "You should have married me, Duo, not a man you didn't even know during the wars. Screw the reason why you divorced, why the hell did you marry him?"

Duo yanked his arm free and took a step back, his eyes sparking with anger of his own. "We hashed all of this out yesterday."

"And I still have no answers," Heero said hotly.

Duo's ire was evident when he asked, "You want to know why I married him? Because he was here when I needed him, not off trying to 'find himself' and completely unreachable. I married him because he had what I needed and, frankly, I married him because he asked me to."

As the braided man turned and stormed off into the kitchen, Heero followed on his heels, his anger simmering dangerously. "I told you I'd be back for you. I was only gone a couple of months before I found out that you'd married him. Do you know how much that hurt, Duo? How betrayed I felt? You said you understood why I left, you that you stood by my decision. How could you turn around and marry a person you hardly knew? I can only think that what you felt for me back then was not love, because if you truly loved me you wouldn't have hurt and betrayed me like you did."

Duo looked like he was about to burst. His face was reddening and his breathing came out harsh through his gritted teeth. And then suddenly that infamous Maxwell temper was gone, deflated. Heero watched as Duo took several deep breaths, becoming calmer with each passing moment. When those blue-violet eyes raised to meet his own, the anger that had been there only a moment before had been replaced with an expression of sadness. "I think you should go, Heero. I don't want to fight with you, and really, you don't have any right to ask me all these questions."

"I beg to differ," Heero replied, forcing himself to follow Duo's example by calming down. "All these years I've wondered why you married Wufei and whether you ever loved me at all."

"What does it really matter now? It's all a part of the past, and there's nothing either of us can do or say that will change what happened. "

Stepping closer and putting both hands on Duo's forearms, Heero looked into the other man's eyes. "Just tell me, Duo. Did you love me?"

There was a hitch in Duo's breath and his eyes misted over as he leaned forward and set his forehead against Heero's. "Of course I loved you. You were everything to me. It just about destroyed me when you left but I knew I couldn't keep you here when you didn't want to stay."

Drawing Duo into his arms, Heero held him tightly, the ache in his chest matching the burning in his eyes. "I was so restless back then, feeling both too young and old at the same time. I was unsure of myself and what I should do, but I never had any doubts about you, Duo, nor the way I felt about you. That's why it's been so hard for me to understand why you married Wufei."

"Can't you just be content knowing that I had my reasons? Would it help you to move on if I told you that I've never loved anyone the way I loved you?"

Pulling back just enough to look at Duo's face and seeing the pain in his eyes, Heero sensed that pushing the other man to answer any more questions would only cause more friction between them, so he reigned in his curiosity, hurt and anger, at least for the time being. It seemed they were at an impasse. "Do you still want me to leave?"

Duo dragged the moment out, considering what would be best. "No," he decided with a shake of his head. "I don't want you to leave tonight, but I meant it when I said I don't want to fight with you. This started out to be the best Christmas ever, let's not ruin it by quarreling, okay?"

Leaning forward, Heero brushed his lips against the other man's, hoping to sooth him further to a more peaceful state. "Go," he said once he pulled back. "Finish your baking."

A small smile appeared on Duo's face. "All right. I'll be done putting the pies together in about a half hour, then I just need to wait until they come out of the oven.

Heero checked his watch, it was after three. "What should we do about dinner?"

"I've already got it covered, that is if you don't mind soup."

"I don't mind soup at all," Heero replied, though he had thought Duo would have been held to a traditional holiday meal seeing that he was doing just about everything else he'd read about in books or magazines. If Duo wanted a simple supper, then who was he to complain?

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Several hours later the smell of peach pie still lingered in the kitchen as the two men sat at the table to eat their chicken and rice soup. In the center of the table, surrounded by holly branches, were seven beautiful wooden candle holders of various heights, slender and simple in design but an excellent example of craftsmanship. Long tapered red candles sprung up from the tulip shaped holder on top of each cherry wood stem. They supplied the only light in the room, lending a romantic and festive mood to the otherwise simple meal. Heero was surprised to learn Duo had crafted the candlesticks himself.

After the bowls and plates had been cleared and washed, the two men bundled up in their outerwear and set out to deliver the warm pies. Though Heero had met their neighbors years ago, it seemed from Duo's description that there hadn't been a lot of change over the years. Apparently, very few families moved to the quaint and somewhat isolated village of Old Castle, and even fewer people moved away. It didn't surprise Heero then that with the exception of two houses, he actually recognized many of Duo's acquaintances from eight years ago, despite their being older. What hadn't changed was the how charming the neighbors were, young and old. He was greeted in a friendly manner as Duo's guest and wished a Merry Christmas by all those he met. With the pies delivered, he and Duo returned to the house briefly, to unload their armfuls of sweets and treats they'd received in return for their own celebration.

Walking out of the warm house once again and into the cold and dark night, the two men decided to walk to the church, where the Christmas Eve program was scheduled to begin at seven. That gave them roughly a half hour to make their way there.

They entered the rectory through the double-door entry that was framed by evergreen boughs that were entwined with strands of small, white lights. They took their seats in the pews to the right of the stage area. The cushioned pew already had several people sitting on it who smiled and greeted Duo with a chorus of Merry Christmas and to Heero a more reserved, polite greeting and words of welcome. By the sly glances and knowing expressions on some of their faces it was easy to see that news of Odin Well's presence had circulated around the village. Heero wouldn't be surprised if one or two of his books miraculously appeared for signing. It had happened before, and more times than he could count.

When the bells in the tower began to ring out a familiar Christmas carol, Heero felt his hand touched and then gently clasped. Turning his head, he looked at Duo and was struck speechless by his brilliantly bright smile. Duo was happy, and knowing he'd contributed in some small way to that happiness added to his own. He returned the smile and gently squeezed the hand resting comfortably in his own.

Duo's eyes turned to observe the room around them, and Heero followed his line of sight. The inside of the church was magnificent. Long boughs of evergreens, floral pieces with large red and white poinsettias decorated the interior, but it was the light of hundreds of candles that gave the tall and large room a sense of intimacy. With hushed voices now, those who'd been lingering in the back of the rectory quickly found their seats while children and those participating in the program proceeded to the front, where the nativity Duo had spoken of working on the day before was there for all to see and appreciate.

Unused to religious ceremonies, Heero sat respectfully, knowing that Christians held such events to commemorate something they regarded as sacred. He found the music to be lovely, the children's pageant charming, but most of all he loved the way Duo would often turn and smile at him, with the candlelight dancing in his eyes and the red and gold strands in his chestnut hair glowing. Heero didn't know if he'd ever seen anyone as beautiful as Duo was to him that night. And then he knew, without a doubt, that he never wanted to be parted from the American again. What good was a successful career if he didn't have someone to share it with? What enjoyment did he really get out of two apartments, oceans apart, when they were cold and austere compared to Duo's homey abode? Those properties had merely been places to work and to store his possessions; but they had never really represented a home.

Tuning out the quartet singing a song about peace and joy, Heero returned Duo's gaze, and saw himself reflected in those eyes alight with happiness. In the depth of those blue-violet orbs he felt well and truly home.

As their eyes remained locked, Duo tilted his head just a fraction to his left, silently questioning and curious, probably wondering what had come over him. In the midst of all the people surrounding them, Heero couldn't speak what was foremost in his mind, or even kiss the other man like he craved to do. Instead, he lifted Duo's hand in his own and brought it to his lips and held it there for a long moment, wishing he could tell Duo all that was in his heart. He contented himself that he had time, all the time in the world now that he had made the decision to become Duo's lover once again.

Duo pulled his hand away, reluctantly, or so it seemed. His eyes rolled to include the congregation, telling Heero they needed to be discreet. Heero gave an agreeing nod of his head. He'd behave, but just until the moment they walked into their home. Their home. It was a heady thing to realize you found where you belonged after drifting for so long.

With the end of the holiday program, the congregation slowly left the church with everyone wishing each other a happy Christmas before they turned towards their homes to continue their own celebrations. To everyone's delight the snow had begun to fall again, but this time it was a gentle snowfall, and Heero watched as Duo, once more clothed in a warm jacket, gloves and woolen cap, turned his head up and let the frozen flakes to fall on his face, wearing a look of utter contentment. "Can this day get anymore perfect?" he softly asked.

Heero smiled and replied, "Just wait until we get back to the house." Duo laughed with good humor then took his hand and began to lead him back the way they had come earlier.

Having walked to the church, the two men began the mile walk back to the house. They held hands and Duo did most of the talking, describing further the people or families who lived in the decorated houses they passed by.

Their hats, coats and gloves were discarded immediately after they entered the front door, as were their boots. Boo was let out and quickly returned. Heero stoked the fire in the fireplace and added a couple of logs while Duo went into the kitchen for some tea. Bathed in the glow of the fire and colorful blinking lights on the Christmas tree, Heero decided that he finally understood what was so special about this holiday. Though the weather was frigidly cold, he felt warmer inside than he ever could remember being before. No wonder Duo had stayed in Old Castle, it was a place you could belong to, a place you could be happy in. And Duo, certainly, looked to have reaped the benefits of what the village offered. He was more calm, healthy and content than he'd ever been as a teenager. Heero could only hope that by making this place his home again he might find the same.

Duo returned to the room with a tray of tea and two slices of peach pie. "Merry Christmas, Heero," he said with a soft smile. The braided man stood back and watched, trying not to appear anxious as Heero took his first bite of the pie. One bite and Heero closed his eyes to savor the taste of summer, of cinnamon and sugar with a dash of nutmeg. "This is incredibly delicious," he told the chef as he sectioned off another piece of the pie with his fork. Relieved, Duo picked up his own plate and started in on his slice.

It was close to ten by the time they'd finished their late night snack. Duo wedged himself into Heero's side, his head on his shoulder. With soft Christmas music playing in the background, the braided man said in a contented voice, "This is how I always imagined our Christmas would be. It's nice, isn't it?"

"Unforgettable," Heero replied, leaning down to kiss the top of the braided head.

"There's only one other thing I've dreamt about that hasn't happened yet."

"What's that?"

"Making love in front of the fire, with the tree's lights shining down on us."

Heero didn't need a second invitation in order to make that dream come true.

An incessant ringing woke Heero up the next morning. He turned on his side to see Duo just opening his eyes and watched with amusement as the naked man stumbled out of bed, put on a robe and his thick, fleece-lined house boots and darted out of the bedroom. It was tempting to stay in bed where it was warm and smelled of Duo and spent passion rather than deal with the cold outside the covers. But after recalling Wufei's call the day before, his curiosity was enough to brave the winter morning chill.

With a groan he pushed the covers away and quickly dressed in jeans and a grey cable-knit sweater. Raking his fingers through his messy hair while leaving the bedroom, Heero made his way towards the stairs. He paused, holding onto the bannister as he listened to Duo's voice, coming from somewhere in the living room below.

"Yes, it's been a great Christmas, Quatre. Never better. Are you and Trowa coming to Earth soon?" Pause. "Yeah, I got the ticket, just like last year. And again, thanks for the gift, but I have to send it back." Another brief pause and then Duo added, "I know I promised, but it's hard for me to leave. I have a living to make and if I don't work, I don't get paid. If I don't have any money, I can't pay my bills."

Heero decided he was getting pretty good at deciphering one-sided phone calls, either that or Duo was just making it easy for him.

"No Quatre, let's not get into this again. I won't take money from you." Pause. "Because it can ruin friendships, that's why."

And then the subject matter changed again. "I'm fine, really. I caught a virus last month and it was pretty bad. It kind of spooked me because it reminded me of, well, you know what, so I went back to the clinic and had a checkup. I'm still waiting for the results." Another short pause. "In a day or two, I think."

So Duo had been sick and that was why he was waiting for a test result. With how healthy the other man seemed, Heero doubted there could be anything seriously wrong with his lover. He began his descent of the stairs, which creaked from age and subsequently alerted Duo to his movements. Boo came around the staircase, his tail wagging mildly at his approach.

Standing in the middle of the living room, wearing only his ridiculous robe and boots, his hair falling out of his braid and badly tangled, Heero couldn't help but think that Duo outshone the early morning sun, which was stealing its way though the bay window's partially opened curtains. With eyes dancing with happiness, Duo acknowledged his presence, then raised his eyebrows in a question. Knowing what he was asking, Heero nodded.

"Guess who's here, Quat?"

Of course Heero was given the phone and old acquaintances were reunited once again. All in all, he was happy with the reception he received from Quatre and Trowa. They politely asked him where in the hell he'd been and after confirming that he was indeed Odin Wells, they commented favorably on his books. Quatre also spoke to him about the shuttle ticket he'd given Duo for Christmas, as he had for the past six years, and asked him to use his influence in convincing Duo it would be a good thing for them to see each other again. They exchanged addresses and phone numbers before Trowa was put on the line.

The two former comrades made small talk for about five minutes, then Trowa abruptly changed the subject by saying out of the blue, "Don't you dare hurt him again, Yuy. Duo's been through a lot and he doesn't need any added stress or hurt."

Seeing that Duo was hanging on his every word, Heero replied, "You've got nothing to worry about." After several wishes for a Merry Christmas, the call ended.

"Are you hungry?"

Heero shook his head. "Not yet, but I think this is the designated time for you to open your gifts." He moved to the Christmas tree, where he'd placed his bag of gifts the day before. Choosing the smallest present first, he returned to Duo and placed it in his hands. "Merry Christmas," he said before dropping a quick kiss on the long-haired man's lips.

The expression on Duo's face was split between looking worried and eager. "Like I said, I didn't have a chance to buy you anything, Heero," he said as he sat down with the present on his lap.

"Christmas is more about giving than receiving, right?"

"Well, yeah but..." Heero silenced him with a quick kiss.

"Your letting me be here with you for Christmas is the best gift anyone has ever given me," said Heero, and he drank in the sight of his lover, knowing he'd never tire of looking at him.

Still somewhat embarrassed by the lack of a gift, Duo's gaze returned to the gift on his lap. "Thanks, Heero."

With a little urging he opened the gift and seemed genuinely pleased at the new winter scarf and cap. Another gift was a pair of expensive gloves that happened to fit perfectly. The last gift was the largest and the most expensive of those that Heero had purchased, and for some reason it failed to bring the pleased smile to Duo's face that he'd anticipated. "Don't you like it?"

Duo seemed pensive as he replied, "These are really expensive, Heero. You really shouldn't have spent so much money. I don't think I should accept this."

"I want to buy you nice things, Duo," said Heero as he cupped the other man's warm cheek to turn his head in order to see his eyes. "I've earned more money from my books than you can imagine, so you might as well get used to me buying you things."

The violet-eyed man's pensive mood abruptly changed to one of wariness. "What do you mean?"

Saying what was on his mind wasn't usually a problem for Heero, or putting his thoughts on paper, but speaking about what was in his heart was much more difficult. For both their sakes he had to take a chance and tell Duo how he felt and what he wanted. "I want you by my side Duo, like you were always meant to be. I don't care anymore that you married Wufei, all I know is that I don't think I'll ever be happy if you're not with me."

"Heero, I..." Duo stopped there, his eyes searching Heero's, and it was impossible to notice the faint crease forming between those cinnamon colored eyebrows, an indication that Duo was troubled about something. A wave of anxiety wash through Heero as he waited for the other man to continue. Duo's pride, he concluded, was standing between them. The boy from L2 had always prided himself on being self-sufficient and independent, and Heero had little doubt that he'd ever change. He wondered if accepting gifts he couldn't afford on his own was viewed by Duo as a sign of failure. Well, he'd have to help Duo overcome such notions, for he had a mind to purchase anything and everything the American ever wanted or needed.

Sidestepping what he'd just said, Heero tried again from another angle. "Just think of this as a way to see your friends more often. If you can't or won't fly to L4, you can visit with Quatre and Trowa from the comfort of your living room." Duo's hand moved over the box, as if he were touching the most precious thing in the world. Seeing his resolve weakening, Heero pushed just a little more. "Please. It would really make me happy if you'd accept this."

Closing his eyes, Duo gave in, although it was clear he still had reservations. "All right. If your sure it's not too much." Then Heero kissed Duo until any hesitation was well and truly forgotten.

When at last they broke apart, Duo bent and carefully set his gift down on the floor. Then turning back to Heero he grabbed the other man by the shoulders and purred with a feral gleam in his eyes, "Now let me show you just how grateful I am, and not just for the gift, but that you're here with me on Christmas day also."

Heero had somehow forgotten how aggressive Duo could be when he wanted to top. Those memories, deliberately tucked away for many years, were quickly recalled when he was abruptly pushed down onto the sofa and the braided man proceeded to kiss each portion of skin that he deftly uncovered. A fierce desire to have the other man's body bare and pressed against his own swept over him, especially when his sweater was lifted and a hot, wet mouth began to explore his chest and stomach. It took all his concentration to undo the tie around Duo's robe, his intense craving to see Duo naked again helped to keep his hands steady enough so he could accomplish the simple task while the other man drove him to distraction. Before long, they were both divested of most of their clothing. Duo's robe was fully open and loosely draped over his shoulders while Heero was left with only socks on his feet to ease the chill of the room.

Duo's hands seemed to be everywhere, and where those hands were Duo lips were soon to follow. But just as the long-haired man began to move lower the sound of small voices outside preceded the ringing of the doorbell. Boo, laying on his rug by the fireplace, sprung up and began barking as he moved towards the front door.

"Oh shit!"

Heero followed Duo's line of sight to the front window, and only then recalling that the curtains were partially open. Then Duo was up and pulling his robe on as quickly as possible, tying the sash tightly before tossing a blanket that lay over the sofa at Heero. "Coming," he shouted in the direction of the closed door.

Moving to the front door, the braided man put his hand on the latch, then checked to see that Heero was decent before opening it. Out on the porch stood five children of various heights, and it was impossible to tell by their snow clothing if they were male or female. "Merry Christmas," Duo greeted them with a broad smile and a blushing face.

Five minutes later the two men were completely dressed and out the door, rapidly building up a supply of snowballs for what Heero had learned was a yearly neighborhood battle. All the children and many of their parents joined in for two hours of exhausting play. Boo seemed to be enjoying himself with the other neighborhood dogs, chasing each other and barking at the flying snowballs as they were hurtled from one side of the street to the other. Eventually the younger children wore out, and everyone decided it was time to go inside and warm up.

"Duo!" Both men had just reached the front porch when Reinhold Kleib called out.

"My family would be pleased if you and your guest would join us for dinner this afternoon." The forty-something man said with a grin. Reinhold had been on their team, lofting snowballs like a pro at their neighbors who lived on the opposite side of the street, which was how the teams had been formed for the morning's battle. Though they hadn't spoken much to each other during the two-hours of play, Heero now detected an Austrian accent from the man who had bright pink circles on his cheeks from the cold weather and the robust activity.

Duo glanced at him and asked, "Would you mind?"

Sensing his lover really wanted to join the family for a more traditional meal than soup reheated from the night before, Heero nodded. "Sounds nice."

Dinner, they learned, was in one hour, which didn't leave the two men time to do much but get cleaned up and presentable. Because of the small bathroom, Heero waited for Duo to shower first, and had time to think over the events of that morning. Duo hadn't actually responded to him when he said he couldn't be happy without him. He had intended on speaking further with Duo, asking him to let him stay and to marry him, but he'd gotten distracted by their attempt to make love and then the snowball fight. Now they were going to the neighbors to have dinner and possibly spend the afternoon. Tonight, he told himself, he would speak to Duo tonight.

The phone rang downstairs. With the shower still running, Heero knew Duo wouldn't be able to hear it. He debated for only a moment about whether or not he should answer it or let the machine pick it up. Less than thirty seconds later he had scrambled down the stairs and was reaching for the receiver. "Hello?"

There was a long pause that followed before a recognizable voice demanded, "Who is this and where is Duo?"

"As bossy and demanding as ever, aren't you, Chang?"

Another pause before a tentative inquiry came. "Yuy?"

"That's right."

"Where's Duo?"

For some reason Wufei's asking for Duo twice in a short amount of time irritated him. "In the shower." His voice was a bit clipped as he answered the other man's question.

When Wufei spoke again, some of the edge that had been in his voice previously was gone. "How are you, Heero?"

"I'm doing well. How about you?"

"Couldn't be better," the Chinese man answered. "I tried to call earlier but no one was home."

"We were out playing in the snow with the neighbors."

"So you're the company Duo spoke of yesterday."

"Yes, I came into Old Castle a couple of days ago."

"I know you'll think this is none of my business, but what are you doing there?"

"You're right, it is none of your business." When Wufei said nothing more, Heero continued. "I came here to get some answers, to put the past behind me and move on."

"And have you gotten what you wanted?"

With a sigh, Heero ran his hand through his messy hair. "I've received very few answers but more than I dreamed of."

"Meaning?"

"I'm not leaving here unless Duo comes with me."

A long moment of silence stretched out after that statement, and for a moment Heero wondered if the other man was still on the line. Then quietly, Wufei asked, "What does Duo have to say about this?"

"He's going to say yes." And Heero truly believed that there could be no other outcome when he asked Duo to marry him. "I love him."

"Has he told you why he and I married?"

"He won't speak about you at all. Why is that?"

"I suppose he believes he has his reasons and I'm not one to speak out of turn. But I would tell you this, Heero; don't suppose that Duo will fall into your plans just because you want him to. Eight years is a long time, and Duo's had a rough time during several of those years. He's a changed man from the boy you knew during the war."

"Heero?"

Looking up with the phone still at his ear, Heero had to lean back a bit to see up the stairwell. Duo was standing on the first step, a towel wrapped around his wet hair and another tucked in around his waist.

"Wufei's on the phone for you," he called up. "Put a robe on before you come down. It's a bit cool down here."

"Alright. Tell him I'll be right there."

Turning his attention back to the phone, Heero asked, "You heard?"

"I did. Listen," Wufei began again, but now in a more hurried voice. "Not that you've asked for it, but I'll give you some good advice; tread carefully. There are things that you obviously don't know about him and I'm not at liberty to say much, but I can tell you that over the years, Duo has isolated himself, has physically cut himself off from myself, Quatre and Trowa. That he let you into his home is rather remarkable, but don't be overconfident in your plans for him. Get him to tell you why we married and ultimately divorced."

"You harbor no animosity because of the divorce, do you?"

"None at all. We divorced by mutual agreement when the time was right. Duo and I are and will remain good friends."

Hearing the stairs creak, Heero knew his time had passed for learning as much as he could from Wufei about Duo and their marriage. "Duo's here. It's been nice chatting with you, Wufei."

"Goodbye, Heero."

"Thanks," Duo said with a grin as he accepted the receiver from Heero and began a lively conversation with his former husband. Heero motioned to Duo that he was going to take his shower, and reluctantly climbed the stairs to do so instead of hanging around and piecing together whatever bits of the conversation he could manage.

Duo was in the bedroom when he exited the bathroom and was in fact slipping on a pair of jeans. He turned to Heero with a happy grin on his face. "Did Wu tell you he's engaged?"

"No he didn't."

"He asked Sally Poe last night and she said yes. Guess they're going to try for a summer wedding."

Heero turned with his shirt in his hand and asked, "Isn't he gay?"

For only a brief instant, Duo looked startled by the question, but he quickly composed himself to answer. "Ah... I guess you could say he's bi-sexual."

"And how do you feel about this announcement?"

Without missing a beat, Duo replied, "I'm happy for him. He and Sally have been dating for three years now. I say it's about time he pulled his head out of the procrastination bucket and asked her." Then glancing at the alarm clock, Duo picked up his brush and began the task of combing out his towel-dried and slightly damp hair. "We better hurry. We've only got fifteen minutes until we're expected for dinner."

The afternoon passed quickly. The two men enjoyed a meal with the Kleib family. The food, left over from their Christmas dinner the night before, was plentiful and delicious and the family was lively and entertaining. The passage of time was only marked by the need to turn on the lights as the house darkened. The Kleib children proudly showed off their gifts, amongst which was a board game, which everyone joined in playing. It was past nine o'clock when he and Duo were able to make their way back to the now dark house. It had been a long day, a wonderful one, really, and Heero hoped to enjoy more like it in the years to come. He couldn't recall being happier than he was now, and in order to ensure that happiness continued, he was more determined than ever to marry Duo as soon as possible. Tonight, he promised himself, he would ask Duo tonight despite Wufei's earlier warning.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Part 5**

The moment the front door closed behind them, they both began to discard the outer clothing they'd donned only five minutes before. "Do you want me to build up the fire?" Heero asked.

"Maybe a log or two, to last the night. It's been a long day and I'm kind of tired," Duo replied in the midst of a yawn. "Want some tea or something?"

"No. Why don't we get ready for bed?"

For a moment, everything seemed to come to a standstill, and Duo's luminous eyes focused solely on Heero. There was a subtle yet definite shift in the air within the room, and an unsettling silence surrounded the two men. Something was happening, Heero sensed, though he didn't know what that "something" was. He detected a change in Duo, not in his expression, but in the way he looked at him and in his presence, and the space between them became charged with some unknown emotion. Heero found himself caught in the spell of something he didn't understand and for the life of him he couldn't drag his eyes away from his violet-eyed lover.

Duo broke the tension rising between them by stepping forward and offering him his hand. Heero clasped it tightly in his own and wondered why the hair on the back of his neck was standing up. After instructing Boo to stay on his rug, Duo led the way up the stairs and into his bedroom.

No words passed between the two men during the short journey upstairs, and for some inexplicable reason Heero's belly tighten with dread, of what he wasn't sure. They began again from where they'd left off that morning, before they'd been interrupted. Duo took the lead, kissing him breathless and pulling off their clothes before pushing him down into the soft bed. His dominance and almost desperate lovemaking aroused Heero to heights he'd rarely experienced. But each time he came close to finding release, his lover would pull back, obviously trying to draw things out. Moist, hot kisses on his neck and chest kept him in place, making him want and need Duo even more. He wasn't passive by any means, returning Duo's touch and kisses with equal fervor. Time stood still for them, stretching out the night and their lovemaking, building and fusing another unforgettable memory.

When Duo finally coupled with him, Heero found himself almost in tears with relief. His body was taut, his moist and heated skin felt stretched over his trembling muscles. The yearning for completion was almost as great as his need for Duo to stay inside of him forever. He had no real thoughts for tomorrow, or the future for that matter when Duo was causing him to feel incredible sensations of passion and pleasure.

And then Duo sped up, thrusting deep and hard, and with a soft cry he stiffened came with Heero's name on his lips. Looking up at the man above him as he found his release in him, Heero wondered at the beauty of Duo, and how fortunate he was to have this man's love. He waited patiently for the other man to catch his breath, despite his own uncomfortable state of being painfully hard and needing release.

To his surprise Duo didn't reach down and between them for his arousal, as he thought he would. Instead, the long-haired man rolled off of him and lay on his back, arms and legs spread invitingly. Turning his head, Duo smiled languidly and said, "Take me."

Heero woke slowly the next morning, feeling similar to how he would if he'd had too much wine to drink the night before. But no, he was not drunk on alcohol, but on Duo and their marathon lovemaking. Rolling over he stretched out his hand only to find the bed empty again, and the sheets cold. Duo was not only up, but he'd been up for a while.

Disappointed by his absence, he lay there for several moments, listening to the quiet surrounding him and staring blankly at the ceiling above as he recalled the night before. The feeling of dread he'd experienced as he'd entered the bedroom last night returned once again. He called himself foolish, because the night could not have gone better despite the fact that he'd never gotten around to talking to Duo about the future. There was no doubt in Heero's mind that he and Duo belonged together. Resolved to get up and find the missing man and ask him to marry him as soon as possible, he rolled out of bed and made a dash to the bathroom. He'd shower and shave first, and definitely brush his teeth before going down stairs.

The only sound within the house as he descended the stairs was the creak of wood under his feet. _Where is Duo_? he wondered. After a quick search of the downstairs, he concluded that his lover was not in the house, nor was the ever present dog. He frowned, experiencing his second disappointment of the day.

Entering the kitchen, he put the kettle on the stove to begin making himself some tea and breakfast. He checked his watch. It was nine thirty. A thought came to him that Duo might be in the back of the house, in his work room. He went to the door that led to the workshop and cautiously pulled it opened. A light was on in the back room and he detected a sort of scraping sound ahead. He followed it and found Duo standing at his work bench sanding a tall wooden form with Boo on his pillow in the corner.

"Morning," he called out as he moved forward, intending on giving the other man a good morning kiss. Duo glanced up at the sound of his voice and without a smile gave him an acknowledging nod of his head before returning to his work.

"What are you working on?" he asked as he came to his lover's side and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"A commissioned piece."

Heero turned his attention to the piece of wood and for the first time he realized that it was a sculpture, modern and unusual, but beautiful in presentation and display of the woodgrain. "It's good. Very good," he said with a touch of awe. "Do you do this kind of thing often?"

"Not enough to make a great living, but it helps pay the bills."

"Want some breakfast?"

"No thanks. I ate earlier and I really have to keep working."

"How long will you be in here? I thought we might do something today."

Shooting him an irritated look, Duo's voice was a bit tight and his whole demeanor distant as he replied, "Look, Heero. I have to work and I can't afford to be distracted. I'm going to be tied up for the next week, so you might want to take advantage of the good weather and drive over the pass and return to New Port City. I'm sure you don't want to chance missing your flight tomorrow."

Heero blinked, feeling stunned, like he'd been sucker punched. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Are you telling me to leave?" After the last two nights of passion and bliss, Duo was actually showing him the door?

"I don't suppose there's any use in your hanging around here any longer."

Moving on automatic, Heero closed the distance between them and grabbed Duo's upper arm and forced him to turn and look at him. "What the hell is going on, Duo? Did I say or do something to hurt or offend you last night?"

Duo tried to pull his arm out of Heero's grip, but the hand there remained almost painfully clenched around his upper arm. "Listen, Heero, we've had our fun, built a new memory or two. You can now go on with your life as a successful writer, jetting around the planet and colonies signing autographs and dating well-known celebrities. I live a simple life here, one that I'm not willing to change. I don't want to go anywhere else or complicate my life more than it already is."

"Are you mad?" Heero asked, anger simmering just below the surface. His stomach was in knots and he felt sick, sick at heart.

Duo closed his eyes and shook his head. "No, just realistic." Then for the first time that morning, Duo's face and tone softened as he added, "It was good of you to come see me, Heero. I hope you got the closure you were seeking."

Closure! The hell with closure, Heero shouted in his mind. Yes, that was the initial reason he'd given Duo for his sudden appearance three days ago, but things had changed. He loved the braided idiot standing before him, and he wasn't about to let him go without a fight.

"I don't want closure," Heero ground out between his clenched teeth. "I love you, dammit, and I want you to marry me. We'll sort things out, where to live and every day-to-day decision like who gets to take a shower first. I can write anywhere, Duo, but I'd rather do it here, with you by my side."

Duo studied his face as he spoke, yet his expression remained neutral and in a firm, unrelenting tone he answered Heero's speech with a simple, "No."

"No?"

"You heard me." Duo turned back to his work. " I won't marry you."

Stunned, Heero could only stare at the man in front of him. Apparently, he didn't know Duo Maxwell as well as he thought he did. "Duo..." His voice sounded strained and pleading to his own ears. For some reason he couldn't find the words in the English language to help turn this situation around.

Duo turned his head, his eyes narrowed with apparent agitation. "No, Heero. I would really like you to leave now. I've got a lot of work to do."

"So this is it? This is goodbye?" Surely he'd misunderstood.

"Yeah, I guess it is. Have a good life, buddy."

Heero stood there, too numb to respond to having been summarily dismissed. This wasn't right, wasn't like Duo at all. What was really going on here? Then Wufei's warnings from the day before came back to him. He said that Duo had isolated himself from his friends, and that was exactly what he was trying to do at the moment; chase him off in order to be left alone. But why? Things had been going so well between them. He loved Duo, and there was no bloody way he was going to pack his bag and leave Old Castle without some understanding of what was going on.

"You haven't given me the answers to all my questions, Duo. And I'm not leaving here until you tell me why you married Wufei and why you two divorced."

Duo's hands paused in their work, and tightened on the wood and strip of sanding paper in his hands. "I don't have to answer any more questions, Heero. We're done."

"The hell you don't." Quite easily, Heero swung Duo around again and pinned him against the work bench. With their faces only inches apart, Heero narrowed his eyes dangerously as he demanded, "Why did you marry Wufei?"

"Because he asked me to, dammit!" Anger sparked in the deep blue-violet eyes.

"And your divorce?"

"A mutual parting of the ways."

There. Heero could see in Duo's eyes that an untruth had been spoken. Maybe he could guilt the other man into telling him the truth. "You're lying."

"The hell I am!" Duo shouted back. He jerked his arm out of Heero's grasp and was breathing heavily when he said in a low, warning voice, "Get the hell out of my shop and my house." Boo stood up from his pillow at the sound of anger in his master's voice and growled as he slowly approached the two men.

Without another word, Heero straightened his shoulders, turned and exited the workroom. He wanted to hit or break something to ease his anger and the ache in his chest. What the hell was he going to do? The man he'd just left in the back room was not the same man he'd spent the last few nights with. He walked into the kitchen and turned off the whistling kettle before he stormed into the living room. He sat on the sofa and buried his head in his hands. It was clear to him now that what he'd felt the night before, the odd warning that had come from the change in Duo, that the other man had been preparing beforehand to end things between them this morning. It took a few more moments for Heero to gather this wits about him and come to a decision. He was not going to leave that house until he understood what was going on, but for the moment all he could do was sit and wait for Duo to come back into the house.

Two very long hours passed and Duo hadn't come in yet. Heero sat on the sofa the entire time and stewed over the disappointing turn of events and still hadn't come up with an answer to Duo's sudden change of heart. Shivering, he got up and re-kindled the fire, hoping to warm the room up a bit more. He almost dropped the poker in his hand at the sudden ring of the phone. He turned to glare at the source of his irritation, but by the third ring he'd made a decision.

Moving quickly to intercept the answering machine, he picked up the phone and said hello into the receiver. "Mr. Maxwell?"

He paused only a moment, weighing the pros and cons of what he was about to do before answering, "Yes."

"This is Dr. Zing's office. My name is Rachel, and I'm assisting the doctor while his nurse is on vacation. I have your test results."

"Okay," he replied, hoping against hope that this call would resolve some of his unanswered questions.

"Everything came back negative. There is no sign of a lowering of your white blood cells nor any abnormality. The CAT-scan also came out negative. The doctor asked me to reassure you that there remains no trace of cancer."

Heero's mind reeled as he tried to absorb the information, wondering if Duo had been only fearful of getting cancer or if he'd experienced first hand the debilitating effects of the sickness. "You're sure?" he asked.

"Yes, the doctor is quite confident that you remain cancer free."

Somehow, Heero managed to end the conversation in what he hoped was a polite manner as he added one more piece to the puzzle that was Duo Maxwell.

"What are you still doing here?" Duo demanded from behind him.

Heero carefully put the phone back in place before slowly turning to face the questioning man. "That was your doctor's office. Your tests came back negative. You remain cancer free."

Duo suddenly paled, and his body began to list slightly to the left before he managed to reach out his hand to grab the hall table, catching himself before Heero could react. Unwilling to restrain himself, Heero put his hand on the other man's shoulder, further steadying him. Though it wasn't visible, under his hand he could feel that Duo was trembling. "Tell me."

Duo shook his head, denying Heero's request.

Seeing that he wouldn't get an answer unless he pushed for it, Heero pulled Duo into his arms before the other man could protest. "It's all right.' Then more firmly he said, "You're all right." To his surprise, Duo's arms came up and held him tightly, clinging to him as if he never meant to let go.

Rubbing circles on Duo's back, a gesture meant to be of comfort for the both of them, Heero spoke softly into the other man's ear. "Tell me, Duo, what has you so frightened? Why do you push away the people you love? Why won't you let anyone share their life with you? Tell me, help me to understand."

"It's not your problem," the proud and stubborn man replied in a voice that was barely above a whisper. Still, Heero detected in that small voice a need to confess something important. He recognized that Duo was barely hanging on to his need to internalize whatever the problem was.

"If it affects you, it is my problem. Your reaction to this bit of news leads me to believe the worst. Please talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

"Let's sit down," came the strained request.

Slowly, Heero eased himself away from the other man before taking his hand and leading him to the sofa. He sat down and pulled Duo onto his lap, wrapping his arms around the other man, knowing the both of them needed the physical contact.

Duo turned his head to face him, looking nervous and wary as he began to slowly relate what had gone before. "You might remember that a week after you left here I had an appointment at Preventer headquarters in New Port City with Director Une. She accepted my application to join that organization right away, but she insisted I go through rookie training and a medical examination. I hadn't felt well for a couple of weeks, but I dismissed it as the flu and missing you. During the exam, Sally found something in my gut that she said wasn't supposed to be there. She put my being hired on hold until I saw another doctor."

Heero held his breath, suddenly afraid of what Duo was about to tell him. The braided man continued, his eyes looking haunted as he spoke. "I went to several doctors, was sent from once specialist to another, had a ridiculous amount of blood tests, x-rays and scans. By the time they came up with a diagnosis I'd spent all my savings."

"What was it?"

"A small mass was growing on my liver. The biopsy confirmed it was malignant."

Heero pulled the other man against him in a fearful and protective embrace. Now he was the one shaking, fighting and losing the battle to maintain his composure. Duo's arms circled him in return, offering what comfort he could.

"I didn't have a job, couldn't find one with insurance that would accept me with a preexisting condition. The only person in Sanq I knew well enough to confide in was Wufei. Like you said before, we really didn't know each other very well, but having fought together he was the only person, other than Sally, that I felt I could trust. He helped me, emotionally and physically by standing by me as I considered my options." Duo paused to take in a shuddering breath before he continued. "It was grim, Heero. I was basically on public assistance with a long line of people ahead of me for surgery and follow-up treatment. Wufei was the one to come up with the idea of us getting married so that I could share his health benefits as a legal partner. Ours was definitely a marriage of convenience because Wufei is straight and I loved no one but you."

Heero tightened his embrace, filled with a life-time of regrets for not having been with Duo during his most desperate hour. "I'm so sorry," he whispered in a choked voice.

"There was no way to find you. We tried everything we could think of to track you down until the hour before Wufei and I went to the courthouse."

"Couldn't Quatre have helped with the cost of your treatment?"

"I didn't ask," Duo replied. "I needed to make a quick decision because time didn't appear to be on my side. Even though the tumor was small, it was growing. Quatre was on L4, going through several lawsuits regarding his sisters challenging his inheritance. His relationship with Trowa had angered several of them and they wanted to take everything away from him as a punishment. He was stressed and unhappy, and I couldn't bring myself to add to his troubles. I didn't tell him or Trowa I had cancer until after I was nearly done with my radiation treatments."

"That's why you had short hair in the picture on the table."

"Yeah. My hair fell out by the handful. I had to cut it."

Without realizing it, Heero was rocking back and forth while holding his lover, trying to offer some solace and to find some for himself as well. "I'm sorry. So sorry."

"Shh, it's okay," Duo intoned.

"No. It's not okay,"

For a long while the two men held onto each other, but the questions in Heero's mind still had to be asked, regardless of what had already been revealed.

"You divorced Wufei once your treatments were over?"

"No. He insisted we stay 'married' until I was past the two-year mark, just in case the cancer returned."

"He was a better friend to you than I was a lover." And Heero's heart felt like it was about to break with that realization.

"We were young and mixed up," Duo said, excusing his absence when he really didn't need to. "You did what you had to, and then I did what I needed to in order to survive."

"What happened after you married?"

"I was signed onto Wufei's insurance and got the surgery and radiation treatments I needed. It was a terrible, dark time, but Wufei was here. He nursed me and buoyed up my spirits when I didn't think I could go on. He gave me Boo to give me something to hold onto."

The idea of Duo being in such pain and agony was almost more than Heero could bear. All these years he'd been bitter about his lover's apparent betrayal and marriage to their former comrade when he should have felt compassion, understanding and gratitude instead. Closing his eyes and inhaling the scent of his lover, he vowed to make it up to both men. The conversation he'd had with Wufei came back to him again, as did more questions.

"Why have you isolated yourself from the others? Why were you making me leave?"

Duo's arms tightened around him. When he replied, his voice was a shaky whisper. "I live with the daily fear of the cancer returning. I don't know if I can survive any more surgery, Heero. They cut out part of my liver the first time, which is why I have to be so careful with my diet. It just doesn't seem fair to let anyone get too close to me in case that happens. I know from experience how much it hurts when the people close to you die. I don't want to be the cause of anyone feeling the way I did when that happened to me. From the moment you walked into my shop I told myself not to get involved with you or let you know what had happened, especially after learning that I'd hurt you so badly. I'm sorry, Heero, but I couldn't help myself."

"Idiot."

"What?" Duo frowned, not understanding.

"You're an idiot," Heero answered. "Pushing us away doesn't change how we feel about you. You hurt your friends by denying them the chance to be a part of your life. No matter how long you live, and because no one really knows if they'll die tomorrow in a plane crash, a fall down the stairs or even from a disease, you have to live each day fully and have love around you in order to make each day of your life matter."

"Have you had that these past eight years, Heero? Have you lived each day fully, loved without fear of the other person getting sick and dying? Don't you think it was better that you didn't know I'd been sick?"

"I've done many things in the years we've been apart, Duo. I've found satisfaction in my work, and enjoyed the rewards of my labor. I've had other people's gratitude, and even a bit of adoration, but I haven't had love in my life, not like what you and I shared. Looking back on my life after spending these few days with you, it now seems rather empty and unfulfilled, despite my accomplishments and accolades. Please, don't make me go back to my life as it was before. Let me stay here with you."

"I... I don't know, Heero. I can't promise I'll be here next year, or the year after that."

"You've been cancer free for eight years, right?"

Duo nodded. "I've done everything I can think of to maintain my health. I eat right, exercise, keep my stress level down and remain as calm as possible."

"Then I don't see what the problem is with me staying."

A worried look marred his handsome face before Duo said, "Like I told you, I live a simple life, Heero. I can't imagine you'll find this place as stimulating for your writing as London or New York must be."

For his answer, Heero held Duo's face between his hands as he kissed him, long and deep, coming up for air only when it was necessary. "How's that for stimulating?"

New Year's day came along with sunshine and the hasty arrival of their three closest friends and Sally Poe. As arranged three days before, the Justice of the Peace met with them in their home and Duo Maxwell and Heero Yuy were quietly married, witnessed by the small group.

Two happy years later, the married pair celebrated Duo's tenth year of being cancer free and Heero's newest, best-selling book by taking a long, extensive holiday. They traveled to Paris, London, Amsterdam, New York, Los Angeles and Tokyo before they boarded a shuttle for a long overdue trip to L4 to celebrate Christmas with their friends.

Sitting next to his husband on that shuttle, with Heero's head resting on his shoulder as he slept, Duo studied their clasped hands, and the twin rings that symbolized their union. Heero had been right, when he'd said two years ago that having love in your life made everything more bearable. Sure, he still had some lingering fear of his cancer returning, but it no longer paralyzed him as it had before. Having Heero back in his life had given him a more optimistic outlook, that even if his cancer returned and he only had a short time to live, he couldn't regret a minute of the last two years. His happiness surpassed his wildest expectations. And as a result of that happiness, he seemed healthier than ever, optimistic to the point of being giddy, and carried around a feeling of contentment that could only come from loving someone so deeply and knowing that love was equally returned. Life is good, he thought as he rested his head against the one on his shoulder. And even though they were thousands of miles from their comfortable and familiar home in Old Castle, being with Heero he was always home.

End

Merry Christmas, everyone!  
December 2007


End file.
